Well, sort of anyway. Semi-serious.
We’re coming to the end, folks – there’s only a few days left in the Valour-IT fund drive, and although we’ve done very well collectively, we’re still a bit short of goal and what’s worse is that the Army is ahead!
Now, Smash has offered up his beautiful wife for those who contribute and I can tell you that it would be a damn tempting offer if it weren’t for the facts that, 1) the Hobbit is 100% Brazillian, 2) I’m a sound sleeper, and 3) We have many sharp knives in the house.
Three words: John. Wayne. Bobbit.
Effect: Men around the world shudder.
Anyway. Wife trading is right out.
What I can offer is a deal you’re going to find very hard to refuse: As you may or may not know, the USS Ronald Reagan is homeported right here in sunny Sandy Eggo. And they have the coolest ball cap in the fleet. Not just because, you know, it’s got Ronald Fricken‘ Reagan’s name on it (which it does, and some of you I know are already swooning), but because it’s just plain cool. The Navy’s newest capital warship conjoined with the name of a real American hero. (editor’s note: Heterodoxy of opinion on this point will be ruthlessly supressed.)
And that picture doesn’t even begin to do it justice. Get yours today!
You: But how, Lex?
Well, calm down and let me tell you, generous reader: Be one of the first 10 to donate $100 to Soldier’s Angels/Valour-IT and send me an email via the contact form claiming your donation. I’ll cross-check the donation receipt time and validate donor names with FbL against your email time-stamp and the first ten will get shipped a ball cap. A USS Ronald Reagan ballcap. Complete with scrambled eggs (that’s senior officer’s gold braid, for any landlubbers in the crowd) if you want ‘em. Or plain-billed, if you’d prefer to be seen as someone who actually works for a living.
Update: Drop a note in the comments box if you take me up as well, I’d hate to have folks oversubscribe and can’t easily get to my contact form email inbox while at work.
Just think what you could do with a USS Ronald Reagan ballcap! You could walk into any cocktail party in Manhattan or San Francisco and literally stun the other guests to speechless stupefaction! You would instantly own pride of place at any Young Republican’s meeting (not that, you know: I’m taking a political stand or anything).
You: But Lex, isn’t $100 rather a lot to pay for a ballcap? Even one so studly as a USS Ronald Reagan ballcap?
Well that depends, generous reader, duddn’t it? The value of a thing is precisely what the buyer is willing to pay. And now that we’ve got Adam Smith out of the way, and making the assumption that you’re in roughly the 30% tax bracket, the ballcap only costs you $70, once you take your deduction (I’m actually in shoal water here, from a legal standpoint – consult your tax advisor before taking any deduction with a quid pro quo attached.) And anyways, the ballcap itself cost me $15 before I ship it, so your effective cost (assuming tax advantages, caveat payor) is only $55. Which I’d admit is pretty pricey for a ballcap, unless of course the ballcap was a USS Ronald Reagan ballcap. Unless your donation helped the Navy regain its deserved position atop the donor roll.
And unless, being momentarily serious, you’d done a generous thing for folks who could really use the help – folks, let us remember, that have been wounded and maimed in the service of our country.
Besides: Who else do you know that has a hundred dollar ballcap?
(Oh, and uh… *ahem* If anyone felt like, em… *cough* helping me offset the ballcap purchase and shipping costs, throwing a fin at the tip jar on the sidebar there would be appreciated too.)