Only time for a(nother) brief note, as I am on a “working” lunch, in between yet another tedious series of PowerPoint presentations showing Just How Awful the financial straits are through which our Navy is navigating. I do believe it is compulsory for staff officers to either view or present at these end-of-the-world kabuki theaters every year or so. I am next-best-thing to certain that this requirement reaches back to the birth of the republic. Just as every generation discovers sex (and ultimately, pregnancy), so does every generation discover, much to their amazement, that there is Not Enough Money to Go Around.
*Gasp!*
By the way, nothing in that last paragraph should be construed to reflect upon any other discussions we have had in recent days.
At all.
So.
Anyway – Travel yesterday was a drudge, as it nearly always is. Unpleasant weather at someplace known as “Manchester” (I am nearly certain that this was a city in the US, and thus entirely unrelated to the home of the eponymously named football club en Angleterre – there’s some French for you, JHD, with your low-level Mirage videos) delayed my flight out of Baltimore (which I can attest with certainty is in the US, despite those ridiculous accents) until an unseemly hour.
It was thus with a somewhat greater than normal degree of barely suppressed churlishness that I sat next to a gent who turned out to be a naval officer as well (traveling to Norfolk, of all places – imagine that!) who in turn had on his right a member of the Harlem Globetrotters basketball organization – despite the furren sounding name, I am reliably informed that Harlem is in the US as well, although you must take that without my personal warrant as I have never visited to confirm this with my own eyes. From which you are to draw no other conclusions, but that…
You: Yes, yes – but what about the churlishness.
Me: Sorry.
You: Do go on.
Me: Right. So.
Anyway: I was churlish not only because of my hideously delayed arrival in Norfolk by no means freed me from the obligation of showing up at today’s meeting at an exceptionally early hour, on little sleep, but required nonetheless to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as I watched with wondrous enthusiasm one after another in a series of long-faced action officers tell me that the World Was Coming to an End (and That Right Soon). Not only that, but the afore-mentioned (junior) naval officer proceeded to tell the long-suffering professional basketball player of the importance of Making Wise Investments.
You: Are you concerned that perhaps you’re over-using the Capital Letter-thing for Emphasis?
Me: Concerned, but not overly.
You: Ah.
So.
Anyway – the junior officer would go on, and would not shut up and I searched for another empty seat anywhere on the plane. Without, I might add, finding one. No doubt in consequence to the fact that the plane was hideously late, which I don’t know that I’ve mentioned to you before (ed. – not above a dozen times) and which somehow tends over time to increase the passenger load factor, due to a process which is not entirely clear to me and…
You: FOCUS!
Right. So.
Anyway – Eventually Lieutenant Commander Runs-at-the-mouth turned to me, and after a very brief dialogue inferred that I was also a naval officer of somewhat greater seniority than he himself. He must have inferred that, because I distinctly recollect having told him so. At which point he told me that he was seriously pondering taking early retirement at 15 years, if Congress deemed to offer it. I should have encouraged him in retrospect, I suppose, but instead I offered to him that the government offered early retirements as a way to save money from the general coffers, and that it necessarily followed, given a merely average lifespan, that such savings would come out of his pocket. I also added that unless he could assure himself of socking away perhaps $500k over the next 5 years as the equivalent stake necessary to create an annuity sufficient, at moderate rates of return, to supplant the income provided by a twenty-year retirement, not to mention the fact that there was War On, he should maybe reconsider his early retirement plans.
To which he responded that he had no doubt he would be worth the difference in pay, given five years to run wild about the local economy. At which point I congratulated him on his perspicacity and grumpily told him that in the intervening period, while he might not be able to sock away $100k a year while in the naval service, at least he would have the love of his country to keep him warm at night.
At which he chuckled, before looking me in the eye and discovering that I wasn’t kidding.
At all.
As I said, churlishness tending towards dyspepsia.
LOL! Thanks for a great lunchtime read!
You know all those times I’ve said I thought it’d be fun to meet you in person…?
I take them back!
Just kidding, of course…
But if that opportunity ever arises, I suspect I’ll be living in fear that I may prove to be no smarter or perceptive than your hapless seatmate. LOL!
But hey, the trip can only get better from here, right?
Starting that Grinch thing a little early, aren’t we?
I am soooo happy I wasn’t sitting next to you!
Cap’n,
I thought you wrote:
“Only time for a(nother) brief note, as I am on a “working” lunch …”
Must have been the Editor since this post seemed rather lengthy.
I believe I speak for many other when I say “Welcome Back!”
We Lower Deck Denizens have learned:
‘Elephants break things when they dance’
Thus we assiduously avoid such conferences.
Oh, can’t wait for your ‘After Action Reports’.
Thank God I retired before PowerPoint! I don’t suppose you offered to save money by not flying across the country on TAD to listen to presentations that could have been emailed to you instead
I always thought that happiness in the Navy was directly proportional to the Square of the distance in miles from DC times the cube of the distance in rank from the CNO.
“…at least he would have the love of his country to keep him warm at night.”
The fact you weren’t kidding is awesome. Sorry you had to sit next to that guy.
Hope you’re doing better. Hopefully, Norfolk is treating you better.
I think I’ve been seeing the same briefs by VTC. Big bogeys out there!
re the O-4: as the world turns you may get to sign a 5 of 5, 3.8 ‘rep..just to do it!
B2
74, I see it the other way. Flying across country ( or the Pacific ocean) is what I liked about the Navy…. Yes it could have been e-mailed to you , but when would one get to argue about the PPT at the bar, like good, decent, Naval Officers did before the world became so uptight……..?
but i bet you got the use of the entire armrest after that…
oh, BTW, BEAT NAVY!
Skippy-san,
That what I mean by waiting for his ‘After Action Reports’ so he can regale us with his performance at the ‘Conference after the Conference’ Meetings.
MajMike,
With all due respect to the Beanie wearing Christmas Trees we will trounce on the field of battle:
GO NAVY! Beat Hudson High!
Indeed!
Go NAVY! BEAT South Hudson Institute of Technology!
Heheheh… I live right across the river from grand old SHIT… I mean… West Point…
Like 74, I too retired (from the AF) before the Age of PowerPoint. But, hoo-boy, I got MORE than my share of PPT presentations, both as creator and receiver, during my 14 year-civilian career in the IT biz. I still have PPT on my computer but only use it when one of my boys happens to mail me an egregious example of PPT-Abuse. Or when I get the mistaken feeling that I’m bored and should go back to work. Opening up one of my old presentations quickly disabuses me of THAT notion!
And good on ya, Lex, for giving that LCDR the jaundiced eye! A lesson-learned for the boy, hopefully!
Aren’t juniors supposed to move to the leeward side of the quarterdeck and keep silent unless spoken to?
Don’t piss off the SOPA…
Skippy, It was always a pleasure to FLY across the puddle in lieu of steaming across which was the usual case for me. However its LOTS more fun flying towards liberty than flying towards mind-numbing meetings that take hours to state the obvious — over, and over, and over again.
That is true.
I was once told that a long as everybody keeps saying how much better it used to be and how bad it’s going to get, we’re probably OK, it’s when everyone starts talking about how great things are that you should start worrying.
Vintage Lex… Ahhh, I can smell the hair still burning…
There are ossifers, and then there are Officers…
Anytime you need a door-kicker, Skipper…
This is the sort of incident that runs rampant among us enlisted swine.
Great story Capt….especially the “clincher” at the end.
BTW, for all you thanking God for “escaping” before PowerPoint, just remember Harvard Graphics had been the preeminent slide show maker in the late 80′s and early 90′s.
I was in on taking that to a fine art for the CNSL Friday AM Force Status briefings….