And there’s so very much to do.
I’m wildly, improbably behind at that online probs and stats course, in consequence of the fact that the whole of it is, as I have remarked before, filthily written and that the sitting in front of the monitor being forced to read it puts me in the spirit of shooting myself in the teeth. And yet it’s not going anywhere, is it, and the new quarter starts on the 4th of January 2006, which is not so very far away once we’ve said good-bye to 2005 which is something we are very keen to have done, it being probably our least favorite year in the last twenty or so by a long chalk.
And there’s a Sailor at my last command, a good man he is, and getting commissioned to Ensign, United States Navy who has asked me not only to read him the oath but also to say a few words, and that’s on the 4th too and it’s not the kind of thing you can do on the wing because of the significance of the thing to the man who’s asked for it and he was a shipmate, wasn’t he, so I’ve got a speech to write and not so very much time within which to write it.
There is also a day job.
She never weighed but a bit, being a mere slip of a girl so it was no great effort for your humble scribe and his number one son and four others who loved her to carry her into the church in spite of the fact that a chill wind was blowing making it hard for us to see at times for the water which sprang into our eyes, the chill breezes having brought it forth. There a mass was said in her honor, that being the custom of our faith, in a lovely church in Old Town Alexandria. The priest did a brave job and my son read one of the lessons because he volunteered to, and if you’d seen him strain under the burden of it with her coffin laying there just beside us you’d have been as proud of him maybe as his very own father was with my heart about to burst from everything, from all of it. This we couldn’t allow though because all of it suddenly became real to the youngest of us whom we’d shielded a bit from the worst of it and they were dashed to tears the lot of them which I believe speaks as well of them as it speaks to she whom they mourned. Our mother’s brother came with his wife, he is 81 years old and a veteran of Patton’s 3rd Army, a witness to the Camps and a man that my son who has a keen interest in the history of that time would have liked to know better. Why have we never seen this part of the family before he asked, and the only answer that came to mind was one I could not say aloud: He reminds all of us too much of his sister, and that hurt has never truly healed. He did thirty years in the government service, did Uncle Jim, after he’d come back from that war in Europe. Retired and never looked back. Lived simply, played tennis and went to the gym. So now he’s 81, hale and vigorous, still driving the car down from Maryland to see his niece laid low at only 62. He’s still passionately in love with his wife Mary who’s nothing but a hobbit herself, a wee, little lady who used to plant big red lipstick splotches on the youthful cheek of your scribe before a-pinching it and asking me how was I doing, lover. She loves him right back and there’s a lesson somewhere in that for all of us if only we were wise enough to see it.
After we went back to her house, a five-story town home on the Potomac River which we’ll never see again, the intention being to sell it just as soon as possible, none of us being able to cover the expenses of the thing. This she had made not only into her place of work and respite but also into a kind of family shrine, with pictures on every level cleverly arrayed, photographs of all of us from the time when we were nobbut little things ourselves unto the present day, with all of the issue that we had made of ourselves along the way. It has long been the custom of our little clan to go to this place and see and say, “There was your father at age 8 with his parents whom you’ve never met God rest their souls, and there’s yourself back when we lived in Key West and look how tanned you were. This is your sister when we brought her home and remember how happy that made you?” And so on.
There were things to be said that none of us had the heart to say, it still being all too raw inside of us and the time not yet being right. But the little ones must hear. They must know.
We flew home today on a United flight from Dulles that was delayed two hours on the tarmac before departure because they hadn’t figured out the weight and balance right and the jet had to be re-stowed and then subsequently refueled. And then sent over to the run-up area for a half an hour to burn a few hundred pounds off of her, the jet itself having been over-serviced.
It’s been that kind of year.
Your son is about the same age that I was almost a decade ago when I delivered the eulogy at my grandmother’s funeral – the hardest thing that I have ever done – but it was the least that I could do to honor the woman that she was.
I do hope that you and yours are doing well and that all of you have a Happy New Year.
B
Maybe 2006 will be a better year – here’s hoping. Keeping y’all in my prayers.
We have also had losses both personal and otherwise, and I would count this year as the worst since, well, several decades.
I join you in wishing the New Year not suck as badly as this current one has.
So sorry for your loss.
Glad you and yours made it home safely.
Buy the stats study guides that are used for the various graduate school placement exams. Should be available at SDSU bookstore. They have lots of problem sets with solutions that seemed to help stick all of those formula and when to use them in my head.
I am the WORST at talking while all emotional and crying. I fear the day I will be called up on to deliver an eulogy. As much as I will want to do it, I’m afraid I will not be able to maintain composure enough to do it.
Capt;
And despite all the hard times you have gone thru this year, thanks for taking the time from your busy operational/student/family schedule to provide smiles, gut wrenching laughs, some momements of focused thought, and, in this case, deep emotional stress.
May next year look up for you and the family.
CAPT Lex,
I hope 2006 goes well for you. Life is a roller coaster ride, so one can assume that 2006 will be an up year, right? Like Curt said, despite all of your troubles, we appreciate the posts of laughter, reflection, stories (Rythyms!!!!), tech lust, and sorrow.
So here’s to next year, sir.
Capt. Lex,
Get someone to scan all those photos. Also, in detail, write who, when, where, and what history is known, in text files, for each one. Don’t delay too long in this, as the those who hold the memories of these pictures are mortal as well.
When time and emotion allow it, turn this into a CD and spread the copies to the family. I have done much of this for my family’s recent history.
Of course time does not stop, and the CD will be dated before it is finished, but it will be a record of your sister’s photos, the images she felt were dear enough to be displayed, and in that way, will echo her as long as a copy remains.
Semper Fidelis,
Mark H.
Well, sir… Another year passing astern, and good riddance to it, I say (but keep the good ‘membrances, aye?)
Now we’ve a bit of time before the New Year, so what say we turn her into the wind, open her up, and make a four engine run on 2006..? As for your part, get that bird in the air, wings level, nose hot, pickle hot, and give ‘em what for!
Cheers, Skipper, and may Fortune favor the bold!
Cap’n,
Your other ‘two’ readers comments on your recent emotional upheaval are far better than anything I could do.
However, regarding this young sailor and his pending commissioning and the Stats course. There are priorities and then there are PRIORITIES. I don’t think this Beached Chief needs to ‘counsel’ you regarding which is which.
Too bad his new shoulder boards can’t be ‘pinned’ on.
I can not remember the last time something outside of my own family moved me so. I type this as tears dry on my face. Your sister was very loved. Though I have never met either of you, I know this with all my being. What a lovely tribute sir. Thank you for sharing this in all it’s sadness and terrible beauty.
v/r
Maggie
The idea of putting the pictures on a CD is good. I did that for my brothers and sisters after our father died. It brought back all the sweet memories and I would call them as a picture brought back memories of fun times and we would have a laugh about it.
May the New Year bring you and your family peace. Keeping ya’ll in my prayers.
“…they hadn?ɬ
“…they hadn’t figured out the weight and balance right and the jet had to be re-stowed and then subsequently refueled….”
Wouldn’t have happened on my watch!!!
It means phone calls and recriminations which is a bad way to spend your day, and I hate extra work.
Sorry to hear about your loss Captain.
Lex – good to know you are home in your own surroundings. There is some comfort in that, I have found.
Yes, get those photos on CD quickly. I built a still image DVD for my husband’s family for Christmas this year – scanned in about 120 MB worth of photos (barely scratched the surface), added some nice transitions and music. Everyone loved it – it’s a permanent record of all those memories. It’s time-consuming to be sure, but a labor of love as well. As you work thru the difficult task that lies ahead with her house, entrust the photos to someone in your family who can do this (meaning not you, with your obligations you don’t need the added stress…). Every generation needs to remember where it came from…
Be well dear Lex – 2005 is nearly over. Just hoping for a better year in 2006 will somehow help ease the pain somewhat. Something about the act of hope inspires us to rise above.
Peace.
Well, thanks again all – the CD idea is a good one, and hopefully there is someone back in Virginia who can put it all together. I am the youngest our our generation, and the only one who is not a technophobe, while the next generation, at least the ones back there, are not quite old enough. But maybe we can hire someone…
Thanks too for your thoughts and kindnesses here. What an odd little extended family we have built, but it does bring a kind of comfort.