Even now, all these years later, it’s hard for me to say goodbye to the F-14. Not because I’ll miss it all that much – I think I’ve made my feelings clear on that score – but because momma always told me that if I couldn’t say anything nice, then I oughtn’t to say anything at all.
Now, many’s the occasional reader who will submit to you that that rule has been honored in these pages more often in the breach than in the observance, and I’ll concede the point up front.
Still, there are many out there who, when they think of naval aviation – if they think of it at all – think of the movie Top Gun, what with its homoerotic shower scenes between Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and the patent absurdity of aircraft in flat spins, simultaneously heading out to sea. A depressing number of my fellow citizens express shock to discover that the Navy actually flies airplanes.
“Airplanes?” they might cry, “The Navy flies airplanes?”
“Only too true,” I would regretfully reply, deeply sorry to shatter such fundamental and deeply held illusions: “Only think of the word ‘aircraft carrier,’ and let your imaginative associations run free…”
There’s no question that Tomcat crews loved their mount; thick, cross-grained and ungainly a brute as she might otherwise appear. Whether or not that love was somehow tied up in their own narcissism is something I’m unqualified to judge. But I will admit, at least, of the possibility.
She carried a lot of gas, to be sure, and would go like a striped-assed baboon when you put her to the spur, which are both advantages in the world of naval aviation on the one hand, and air combat on the other. The old F-14A engines were an unmitigated mess, and I’ve lost count of the fights I had to knock off for compressor stalls – suspiciously, they always seemed to come just before I’d closed to gun range. But once they got the big motors installed, the reliability issue went away, and she didn’t bleed airspeed like a hemophiliac with the Ebola virus in a turning fight, as she was once wont to do. And I’m man enough to admit that an F-14B or D with a LANTIRN pod and a couple of laser guided bombs could make a Hornet pilot’s most intensive labors look like child’s play in comparison.
But her cockpit combined the ruthless efficiency of the Italian bureaucracy with the user friendliness of a Parisian waiter, while in terms of reliability you might well be safer putting your life in the hands of a Tijuana policeman. A hundred mile missile was all to the good, but it was useless without a radar and there were a sufficient number of times a Tomcat somehow managed the consecutive miracles of struggling off the flight deck and making the briefed rendezvous on time, only to check in on my wing reporting “IFF only” to leave the top of my O2 mask caked with the salt of my tears. From the outside looking in, a Tomcat crew’s life was one of busy workarounds, pulled circuit breakers and crossed-fingers.
Oh, yes: And bolters. Many, many bolters. At least a first. Landing the airplane at night would be a challenge sufficient to break many a good man down, and it only now occurs to me that the affection some of the F-14 guys had for their bird was not unlike the tragic and affectionate gratitude of a spouse who’s happy that the beatings have finally stopped.
Still, in spite of (or maybe because of) their many trials and tribulations, the F-14 crews formed an unusually solid bond between themselves, threw great “happy to be alive” parties and were generally fun to be around, taken in small doses. They’re welcome to the Hornet ranks, so long as they pitch their voices civil, and don’t go around taking on airs, says I.
For a different perspective on all this, check Pinch. Who, along with his friends, is getting all weepy and everything.
“If you could look behind the sunglasses of these pilots out here watching this, you’d see a lot of wet eyes, ” Cmdr. Mark Black said. “I know that’s why I wore sunglasses today.”
Whatever.
As far as his contention that the Tomcat is the best looking aircraft on the ground or in the air, well he’s at least half right. Depending, of course, on your point of view.
You’re so bad, Lex! Not that I’m complaining one bit, mind you…
But the following did give me pause:
…so long as they…don?
You’re so bad, Lex! Not that I’m complaining one bit, mind you…
But the following did give me pause:
…so long as they…don’t go around taking on airs.
I suppose that’s just ’cause there’s no room for that kind of thing… what with the Hornet pilots already doing so much of it.
One wonders, Skipper, how the other side of the looking glass will appear when NOS straps on whatever the Naval Varient of the Raptor is named, and proceeds to offer similar vent about “those old, coal-burning Hornets”…
Father taught me that “the father will always win”, but I wonder if that includes when both father and son are wearing their respective steeds of death, after the call goes out: “Fight’s on”…
(Yes, I realize that this would never happen for real, but encounters over the training ranges of Point Magoo, NAS Fallon, or wherever NFWS moved to are a whole different ballgame.)
It would be interesting to observe…
Geez Lex. You’re actually waxing philosophic about the turkey’s retirement…in your own Lee-More like way!
Folks, the Cat wasn’t designed to be a bomber..just so y’all know..it was built for Fleet Air Defense (long range air to air- B.V.R) from critters like the Badger, Bear and Backfire (is that a critter?).
In other words,it was a deterrent, like a lot of the stuff we had/did during the Cold War. Although we didn’t actually fight the Soviets, it was dangerous work..it certain ways even more so than today…..I will agree 100% that the folks who flew ‘em in the olden days were simply insufferable pricks most of the time and in some ways I can’t believe I’m even saying nice things about the SOBs…..
Lex is actually paying high homage to acknowledge that they could bomb “pretty good with the LANTIRN system and LGBs, although he never mentions that pesky range thing.
My man Lex must be getting old and sentimental. Oh, BTW I heard LANTIRN is going to live on another dinosaur.
B2
Absolutely ruthless with that rapier keyboard! Hah! Another fine blogging effort!
I liked your photoshop effort of the Hornet with the Tomcat in its sights.
Of course, the pre-SuperHornets’ sights normally looked much more like this:
Lex,
Back in the day, I wandered by one of the many little briefing rooms and found you alone in it, preparing what was going to be a brutal debrief for some Tomcat crew. You had the good fortune of flying one of the juiced F-16Ns the Navy bought in a wise moment, before grounding them in a foolish one. As we watched your tape, the hapless Tomcat bled airspeed in an extended turn, and the F-16N closed for the kill. On the tape, I heard you say under your breath “I can’t decide who to kill first… the RIO… or the pilot.” The pipper and that snaky little line aligned first on the RIO’s helmet, then on the pilot’s then back to the RIO’s, then back to the helmet. Finally you called, “Pipper’s on… pipper’s off. Knock it off.”
To be fair, that was probably a RAG crew, but that was a serious lesson on the fate that awaited F-14s that got in a turning fight and got slow. Small wonder Capt Lex never thought much of Tomcats.
Eh,
F-4, F-14, F/A-18 fine birds they are. Nice, bright, shiny, under the control of America’s Finest.
When you get right down to it, at least to this Firecontrolman, they all have one thing in common.
They’re targets.
Sorry, Cap’n, but I gotta calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.
Good pen as usual, makes one wonder though. You must have had your lunch money lifted several times at a young age by a future Turkey driver and have held the grudge for years….
For all its faults and flaws, I’m still sorry to see the F-14 go, for one reason: there will never be another Grumman “Cat” fighter. ‘Cats sustained the US Navy through some of its toughest battles and flew CAP over the carriers for a total of something like forty years. But never again.
“and she didn?
“and she didn’t bleed airspeed like a hemophiliac with the Ebola virus”
Dude – I mean sir – I love your writing! This is my new favorite blog – I blew a whole day at work last week reading your old posts. Keep it up!
Either way, there is only one right phrase for an F-18 pilot or an F-14 crew, ” Shut up and fly your dolly……”
Okay–lemme see if I’ve got this straight:
Air Force = Aircraft
Coast Guard = Aircraft + Boats
Navy = Aircraft + Boats + Cannons
Army = Aircraft + Boats + Cannons + Tanks + a really lousy football team.
Heh. If the kay-dets spent less time mastering PowerPoint and more time mastering catching the damn’ football, the annual point spread might be tighter…
Gee Skip I thought Dolly went away last decade since we got JTIDs, MIDs and Link-16.
Plus, aren’t those Migs still buried under the sand over thar? Just what does an E-2 do over there except count sorties coming and going?
B2
ABCCC……..that’s the role for me! Plus the E-2 is the smaller more improved version of the JSTARS these days since the JSTARS guys need their crew rest…………
E-2’s have always done more than count sorties. Hurry up targets are our specialty…….
As we used to say in my old squadron “Always in command, never in control!”
Hey B2,
I think if you do research, Grumman actually did weapons tests showing the Tomcat could be a bomber, it was the USN that decided not to employ it that way till later. And if the F-14 D had been bought in quantity, oh what a story there would be to tell.
And yes I know all about JTIDS (Mids is just that by another name)…but I was a group 0 baby………
Skip – nice E-2 defence, to which I would add – E-2’s are basically AWACS without the confusion.
Brian.
Better be careful with the faint praise about the cats Captain or your furry feline denizen may make another Bombcat raid on your power strip!
Skippy,
Are you saying the E-2 has SAR/MTI like JSTARS? Methinks not. You meant AWACs, right?
Against air threats the E-2 is great. ISR to support troops- nada and no EO/IR sensor or dwell time…
Re Tomcat bomber early on: why would they want to use it as a bomber then? We had the premier medium bomber then- the A-6 and a whole bunch of single seat VFR bombers then too- the A-7. That old genetic diversity. We made the Tomcat a Bombcat because we got rid of the Intruder and had to be able to attack targets from at least green water, right?
But we won’t go there. Lex will put the pipper on us eh?
B2
I always thought the RA-5 Vigilante was a beautiful aircraft.
Tomcats were fun to play with in Indian Country because there were bunches of us SLUFS to bug them on any given cycle.
Nice tribute, Lex. If they do take on airs, they could always be lashed under the wing of the static display.
blah blah blah damn buzzards blah blah snooty ice cream suit guys blah blah blah TARGETS ARE UP blah blah blah….
ooh! shiny objects! FIRE!
Grrr – It’d be funny if it wasn’t true, Major Mike…
Captain Lex, another great post. Any way to see that vid Zane was talking about?
B2
I know that E-2 crews have tested filling in for a lot of roles that USAF crews were doing in OIF. Since by definition E-2 NFO’s are incredibly intelligent , they had to do a better job than the USAF.
Besides, as I have said before, radar is just a crutch anyway
Thanks, Dan. As for the HUD tapes, I didn’t (couldn’t) keep them, I regret to say. They are like last year’s flowers, only classified.
I do have my old centrifuge tape around somewhere. If I can track that down, it might be worth a humorous digitization. See what I can do.
Skippy,
I’m just talking hardware. Of course any Navy E-2 mole is smarter and better looking than any USAF mole in JSTARS or AWACs (go Navy) but the aircraft capabilities aren’t the same.
We wouldn’t want to confuse the folks who read this blog that the Hawkeye or even AWACS had ISR capabilities for the troops on the ground.
re ABCCC: I’m sure the E-2 has enough radios to do the mission you talked about but there isn’t a lot of room in an E-2 to carry decision-making Generals and their staffs like the AF variant. C’mon, fess up.
What I’m getting at here is that you are sort of misrepresenting the Hawkeye’s capabilities..Radar isn’t a crutch when you need SAR/MTI to do a mission and well, if you don’t have EO/IR, you can’t see at night.
Meanwhile, counting airplanes to/from the ISR area and snoozing. Maybe someday the E-2D (as in Delta) will be capable of true ISR but I was hoping you could tell me…
B2
B2 you probably have better access to people who can give you better info. My radar is crutch statement is a feeble attempt at a joke, its one I used to use debriefing Mission Commanders in training.
Point being is that one of the strengths of Naval Aviation is our ability to innovate. From what I have heard from folks actually doing the job is that they are doing their best to support and get support to the troops on the ground in spite of hardware shorcomings. And doing a pretty good job of it as I have heard.
I think that is the biggest strength about Naval Aviation.
I just wonder when the F-14 guys will start to pull the same sort of thing the F-8 guys did. IE “The Last
‘Cat reunion” and have it last until the last F-14 pilot is doing his “There I was with Cool Hand….”
It is a shame to see another pure Grumman product leave the decks of USN carriers, it will be too soon before we see the last Grumman product leave the flight deck and flight line.
As before: Here is a Miller to the new breed from the old breed. You have the watch!
[...] Well, with all these goings on about the imminent retirement of the aluminum overcast (not to mention the UK Sea Harrier) you’d think that the current generation of fighter pilots had invented this whole “farewell to all that” meme. [...]
[...] Notwithstanding those “plastic jet drivers” who won’t find it hard to say goodbye to this beasty aerospace war machine (damn bugs!) the Tomcat community, Naval Air Station Oceana and the Virginia Beach area in general is gearing up for 4 days in September of a farewell worthy of the sainted Turkey. [...]
Names for Hornets; lawn darts, AIM-18 (looky there, the KA-6 has air to air missles! Only slightly more range than the AIM-54.) CWIZ, Sea Sparrow, Sea Hornet (all close in weapons for a carrier). Of course then I started working on them and gained a whole new appreciation for them. Tomcats were labor intensive and broken more times than not, but they were the first ones I worked on and I have a fondness for them. That and my first squadron was VF-31, it’s fitting that the Tomcatters flew them off the boat for the last time.
As for the superior and troublesome Tomcat radar, CAPT Leenhouts used to say “radar is for p**ssies”.