Begging your indulgence perhaps over the next several, but your correspondent – having already served this week on a Board of Inquiry for one poor, benighted soul – has now been summoned for to serve on a court martial. It appears that he has won the Navy Legal Service lottery, and of such are the joys of shore duty made.
It has been plausibly forecast that this court martial – about which no further details are known, nor, if they were known could they be publicly shared – will last the rest of this week and all of the next. This is the military equivalent of the OJ Simpson trial, for duration. I’m knackered just thinking about it, and the day job’s not going anywhere, is it?
No. It is not.
So, unless I can get my superannuated rump excused by one or the other JAGs during voir dire – and I’m hoping that rattling the Captain Queeg-style steel balls around in my sweaty palms will do the trick, because I’m not sure, but I’m thinking, that the crocheting needles and knit hangman’s noose might just be over the top – the blogging may well be even lighter, and if possible, more trivial, than even before.
So, until next we meet, I remain your most humble, ob’t servant, etc.
Ugh. I wonder if you’re going to get mixed up in that Camp Pendelton 8 mess.
If so, at least I’m assured of one sane officer sitting on the jury.
“…get my superannuated rump excused…”
Great turn of phrase there, Cap’n. You’re a smooth talker – good luck.
Oh, and we’ll be here when you get back. Count on it.
Sir, unfortunately for you [yet most fortunately for the court, and especially the accused] I’ll bet that you are retained by the JAGs, as one who is fair and impartial. A back-handed compliment, but a compliment none the less.
You’re a tribal elder now. Comes with the territory.
Hopefully, no “Duck Dinners”, or “Big Chicken Dinners” are on future menus.
Let’s hope there are easy cases on the docket.
Capt;
You could make a trip to the uniform shop, or Smash’s place, and get a set of water wings…which, when worn the aura of “shhh! Not him! I heard they eat their young!” will grace your superannurated rump.
I know the very thought is abhorent, but I ask: Would you rather be spending time with the family?
But, seriously, I’d rather see a officer of your knowledge and experience do the decision making and I know, regardless of the voir dire process outcome, we can count on you to do it the right way.
Wear the eyepatch and say ‘Arrrrgh’ a lot. Most military courts tend to release the pirates early in the proceedings. Remember to also use words like ‘Avast!’, ‘gibbet’, ‘booty’, and ‘lubbard’.
Good luck Captain… if I had to face a military court, I would want you on it.
Hey Lex,
During the screening portion for a court martial a guy answered a question about impartiality with the statement that he thought the guy was guilty.
When the judge questioned his understanding of the concept of innocent until proven guilty, he responded he did. but figured that the Navy wouldn’t go to all this trouble and effort if they didn’t KNOW he was guilty and could prove it.
He was dismissed.
Make sure your command at sea badge is properly shiny — personal experience was getting bounced becasue of having been a CO that held NJP (and booted out the sorry she-bastard) on case similar to that being tried…
- SJS
On the plus side having been empaneled is a sure ticket off of civilian juries later on (I speak from experience on this one).
Here’s a few of my observations over my double digit years of Navy: I never met a loser Captain. I never met an aviator that didn’t have his sh!t together. I never met a USNA grad that wasn’t bright, fast, fair and all Navy. Please, for the sake of the process, don’t even think of getting out of serving on the board.
Cap’n,
I believe it is fair to say you’ll be the Court President. What ever the charges the accused will know his (or her) rights will be scrupulously monitored, the evidence carefully weighed and a decision made in the finest traditions of our Service.
I would rest easy knowing you would stand in judgement.
What symmetry, I spent my day as a potential juror. There was a big discussion about the right to remain silent. Half the panel wanted the guy to testify. In the common law, they would not let a defendant testify, they thought, not unreasonably, that he?
What symmetry, I spent my day as a potential juror. There was a big discussion about the right to remain silent. Half the panel wanted the guy to testify. In the common law, they would not let a defendant testify, they thought, not unreasonably, that he’d just lie.
While your workload still remains, at least you still get paid. Those of us without employers have the work building up and no pay.
Lex,
Let’s assume that the allegations against the accused are serious (Yes, there are other kinds); both sides deserve fair, intelligent members of the board. Would you want any less if it was your “six” in the sling, or you had suffered at the hands of the accused?
BTW, if one of the JAG officers looks like Catherine Bell, CALL ME!!!!!
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Today, June 23rd @ 8:00am EST, the following ad appeared on Lex’s site:
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Irony strikes in the oddest places, dunnit?!