I must be brief: Cleaning quarters ends in five minutes, at which time 2500 Sailors otherwise profitably engaged in dabbing casually at bulkheads with foxtails, standing stoic watch with broomsticks at port arms or gazing thoughtfully upon knee-knockers with sandpaper limply in their hands will rush to the closest computer terminal and check their stock quotes, whereupon all the bandwidth now available to me in lieu of such activity will gently swirl (in a clockwise direction, this being the northern hemisphere) down into that great yawning abyss known as “Server Cannot Be Found.”
And as for that description of cleaning quarters, it’s no disparagement of those who make up Our Navy’s Finest to note that one hour with a broom, or foxtail, or sandpaper in hand is probably at least 15 minutes too much. At least.
So, briefly: Fear not for your humble scribe, as he is well taken-care of, being rather an old fellow not to mention leading an inspection team. While this is not conducive to making fast friendships, still less to free and easy conversation at the wardroom table with strangers, it does, nevertheless have its privileges.
And, for what it’s worth, having satisfied his career flight pay gates many moons ago, is in no danger of losing flight pay, actual flight status not withstanding. So rest your heads about that. You may now go back to talking amongst yourselves.
Except! Be advised, all you who would go down to the sea in ships, that it is yet a young man’s game, with many tall, steep ladders to climb between the wardroom on the 2nd deck and the bridge on the O-8, should the need arise. Oh yes, and bring your reading glasses when you come out, for if you should manage to forget them at home, they don’t sell them out here, so they don’t. More along these lines, hard-won wisdom based on the Crucible of Experience, I will share with you, at a time and location to be determined, of my choosing, and subject of course, as always, to your mutual consent.
Finally! Because you may have missed it, Mr. James Lileks (it’s very nearly a screed) offers you more reasons to think somewhat the less of Mr. Joel Stein, who had a bit of rough patch when an American flag was found to be planted on his yard over the 4th of July holiday. Towards the bottom, like – keep scrolling.
Also! I note with surprise that all the usual suspects have denied involvement in the Mumbai bombings. Which, huh. Guess we’ll have to look elsewhere, and I wonder if OJ’s found the real killers yet, because maybe he could help.
Time’s up!
“Sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms. Sweep down all passageways and ladderways. Give the ship a clean sweep both fore and aft. Now sweepers, away.”
Where else would you find such an eloquent way of saying, “Go Clean.”?
Just have your wife FedEx the glasses to your next port stop . . . Oh, that’s right, no liberty for CVA.
Why not U.S. Mail?
“…subject of course, as always, to your mutual consent…”
Of course Sir, we stand ready to consent.
Kris, your gushing again…remember good breeding requires understatement in all things. Best
Need to find Mr. Stein address to “flag” his yard. Much in the same manner as forking but definitely a good thing.
Snake Eater and Kris, I can see I’m going to enjoy watching you two here…
*snerk*
Snake – I gush, it’s what I do. And are you trying to say that I have inferior breeding as a result?
But Snake Eater, I’m sensing just a touch of green at the edges of your comment today… *bratty grin*
So, the gushing causes inferior breeding?
Or is this a variation of the chicken and the egg. I’m confused, here…
Oh no! Gushing and chickens and eggs and breeding? I thought this was a Navy blog…
My goal was to bait Kris, stir the pot and have some fun… it apparently worked…result, heaven for a life-long smart aleck. That said,less gushing at the feet of the Lexter is recommended… our flyboy is starting to believe his own press clippings…ergo restraint. Best
Re: Snake Eater’s comment
*resisting the urge to snark Lex, knowing it’s not fair when his blog access is spotty*
Oh, this is just the misplaced rage that a sojer feels for any class of aviator, far less the naval kind.
It’s his recruiter he should be angry with.
So is there any chance that you could bum a ride in the backseat of an F/A-18D or F?
You know, for old times sake and all that.
After reading today’s bleat (earlier this morning) I had to e-mail Mr. Lilek’s to thank him for the unanticpated Screedblog entry…
Go get a big bowl of chili-mac and hit the rack! Stay outta the way.
B2
I had a backseat ride in an FA-18F back when I was a productive member serving aboard USS Last Ship. Not until I got past the point of no return (up atop the canopy rail) did I discover that the durn thing was missionized for WSO, rather than a pilot – in short, it was stickless, not to mention two throttles short of the customary load. Nobbut a wee bobbin down there where the stick was supposed to go, and a pair of side controllers that exceeded my expertise to manipulate.
I felt rather small, trivial and insignificant, to tell the truth. Not one of my fonder memories. ‘Specially when the young lieutenant in the front determined to show me how she maneuvered at 45 degrees angle of attack. (Quite nicely as it turns out, but still – no stick)
Lex,
Your observation about steep ladders brings back memories of black and blue shins. Only thing worse was a visit on a sub. Most ladders are VERTICLE. Takes both hands to get up…down is different too!
Lex,
This whole “XO Happy Hour” or “Cleaning stations” or whatever the ship your on calls it has taken on a life of its own through out the fleet. It has caused me to have get into too many fights ( I need to fix my jets for the go at 0900, no you don’t clean the ship, yes I do cause they keep the bad guys at bay so my happy little home still floats), have too many migraines (from losing the above fight), and in general just wonder how we are going to accomplish anything with regards to war fighting if we waste time on this. I remember when I first came in there use to be sweepers which was simple a couple of people from each division or near by spaces and would do the simple sweep and wipe down no more time then 15mins out of thier life was wasted to do the simple house keeping. Some where in the past 15yrs this has escalted into an hour or more to do a deep cleaning. God forbid that the ship comes under attack during this time period and we have to launch missiles or even do a launch to put up fighters to keep the bad guys away because everyone in the squadrons and air division are stuck in thier shops or spaces cleaning because a dust bunny scared a VIP some morning.
About being at sea and trying to climb the ladders is a young man game. Bah! I was a young man of 18 doing the climb every morning as part of the Admirals mess cranker delivering the battlegroup commander his coffee on the admirals bridge. Making the climb up from the second deck mess (since it had better coffee) with a picture and a couple cermaic cups to the oh-god level at O-9 onboard USS Oldship was hard every morning but I beat the PRT that spring. Plenty of times tripped bashed my knees or shins and screaming plenty of sailor words then finding that I had spilled the coffee and had to go back and repeat the performance.
Damn – missed all the fun being on the Best, oops, East Coast.
Snake – “…heaven for a life-long smart aleck…” Glad to provide you with some enjoyment. Saw the bait, took it, mulled it over, decided to let you have your fun.
Fbl: Gushing, Breeding, Chicken, Egg…how did you get there???
Snake – “…less gushing at the feet of the Lexter is recommended…”
Oh no you don’t – you can stir the pot and have your fun, but no snarking on Lex.
Oh goodness, did I just say that? I think I need to get out more…
Lex – Next time you are feeling insecure in the backseat while a young Lt puts it through its paces… Hang on to your niblick! Hopefully, no sand on it…
Lex, There you go again… ” the misplaced rage that a sojer feels for any class of aviator, far less THE NAVAL KIND”… apparently that pearl of wisdom, ” self praise is no praise let others speak of your deeds” does not apply here. I bears repeating, this Dog has always welcomed Naval/USAF air support and besides you do have nice “O” clubs. BEST
PS: Lets leave it that my successors now refer to themselves as “the Quiet Professionals”, a three word distillation of an historical modus operandi.
Lex, My ultimate recruter was my father and the example he set… I could never be angry with him…and so it goes to this generation to continue the tradition. Best
COUNTER-clockwise, I think.
Lex,
Thanks for calling it “Mumbai”. AFAIK,
none of the major news organizations got
that one right.
Have fun,
Dave
You may now go back to talking amongst yourselves.
As long as we’re talking amongst ourselves… Anybody else here from the “Sandy Eggo” area? One of the (few) bright spots of having to move here was that there are supposedly a lot of San Diego (mil)bloggers that I’d have the chance to meet. But other than Lex, no one has answered my call… *pout, pout*
Thanks for calling it ?
Thanks for calling it “Mumbai”.
I must have missed the memo… Never knew Bombay was now Mumbai until the train bombings. Why did they change the name?
Just speculation… The Brits called it Bombay during the Raj and the locals have changed it back to its original Hindi name… Mumbai ???
Best
Mumbai is Bombay? I thought it was “Dubai” after the 14th beer.
I think I need to get out more too!
I think Snake Eater’s got it right – other examples:
Peiping –> Peking –> Beijing
Cambodia –> Kampuchea
Snake Eater -
Pretty much, most major cities have gone through the same process throughout both what was British India and through South East Asia.
A recent example being Burma —> Myanmar
How about Saigon and Ho Chi Minh City.
St. Petersburg and Stalingrad?
How about ” Even Ole New York was once New Amsterdam” and “Instanbul was Constantinople… nople..nople”… I’am with Nose we all need to get out more. Best