You: So, Lex, pretty much done with your portion of that Program Management final project, yah?
Me: Yah, pretty much, pretty much. It’ll be good when it’s over.
You: Right on the deadline too, yah?. Eight finely crafted, double-spaced, typed pages, 12 font, Times New Roman.
Me: Yah. Looking good, looking good. If I must say so myself.
You: And all you’re waiting for now, as you look towards hitting “send” on that baby before midnight, is the accompanying work from your teammate, the guy who said he had all those mad skillz using Microsoft Project right?
Me: Yep. Just waiting for his input, that’s right. I’ve sent mine along. Waiting for him.
You: Because when it comes to Microsoft Project, you’ve got nothing. Am I right?
Me: Dead right. Opened it up for the first time 10 minutes ago. Might as well have been in Greek.
You: And your teammate, who’s got maybe: What? Two pages to deliver? Has just dropped off the face of the earth, closing in on 1800 on a Friday evening, is that right?
Me: Yah. You bet.
You: And you’ve called him, office and cell, and sent emails and you can’t get even the slightest response, is that right? Not a hint?
Me: Just so. Like maybe he’s died in traffic. Or had an overdose. Thunderclap stroke. Three-day bender. Hookers and booze.
You: And you’re not half stressing are you?
Me: Ah, no.
You:
Me:
You:
Me: Not half.
–
Update: My man showed up for work. We got it done. Which we had like, four minutes left to midnight, Pacific time. Damn.
Skipper,
I sooooo understand that coversation. If you’d like me and da’boyz to go and have a chat with him later on, just holler. You know… one of those morale-building sorts of coversations. Lots of sign language and demonstrations involving things like sports equipment and kinetic energy… and sometimes fire….. and ice…:)
Always ready to help a shipmate out… and enjoy a little dungaree liberty. Then what knows, knows…..
Respects,
AW1 Tim
What do you need done? I’ve never run powerpoint above periscope depth, but I’m happy to help a shipmate in need. Happy to walk through it with you.
Uh-oh.
Team projects, what fun.
The e-mail notification to your instructor has a date/time stamp, so send that as a heads up, cc’d to your partner who missed his promised TOT
Then kick back with some brandy and a good cuban Cohiba vitola while AW1 Tim and I go medieval on his a$$…
Delegation is the key to effective project management
We’ll give him a good belly – slapping..
That’ll teach him..
Oh Jeeze Lex, wishing and praying that this guy comes through for you.,..
And that is why group projects do and always will suck horribly.
I once gave a 20 minute presentation (without slides they weren’t allowed) on the design of the space shuttle when the only bit I was meant to talk about was the investigation and modification following Challenger.
Of a group of five only me and the guy that didn’t speak engliush turned up.
I hate group projects.
Can’t spell English, oh the ironing.
Project for mere humans http://www.omnigroup.com/applications/omniplan/ (and mac users)
“Buddy” = 1/2 a word!
B2
Glad the physical therapy was not necessary.
Interesting, in that even the Neurotypicals (the smart ones, anyway) also hate the loathsome septuply damned revolting stupid pointless counter-intuitive time-and-effort-wasting fight-stimulating Group (Spit!) Projects.
Me: Lemme ask you something.
Lex: Shoot.
Me: You were graduated from The USNA, right?
Lex: Right.
Me: Then you were accepted for pilot training, no?
Lex: Yes.
Me: Then you probably went to Pensacola and began learning about flying didactically?
Lex: Didactically.
Me: Then you learned to fly in one of those Turbo Mentors?
Lex: One of those.
Me: And do those dunker things and get flight physicals
Lex:
Me: And then you went to Meridian and learned to fly one of those Buckeyes?
Lex: One of those.
Me: And to bomb a little. And fight a little?
Lex: A little.
Me: And land on aircraft carriers?
Lex: Trap.
Me: Then, because you probably did OK with all that you got picked to fly F/A 18s?
Lex: Probably.
Me: And you got to bomb more and fight more and land F/A 18s on carriers?
Lex: Trap.
Me: I suppose when you got OK with all that you had to learn to work with other guys who also got OK with that. You know, like getting assignments to fly missions together and hook up with tankers, find targets, be on the lookout for Mirages, find your way back to the boat, maybe sometimes even in the dark ?
Me: Lemme ask you something.
Lex: Shoot.
Me: You were graduated from The USNA, right?
Lex: Right.
Me: Then you were accepted for pilot training, no?
Lex: Yes.
Me: Then you probably went to Pensacola and began learning about flying didactically?
Lex: Didactically.
Me: Then you learned to fly in one of those Turbo Mentors?
Lex: One of those.
Me: And do those dunker things and get flight physicals
Lex:
Me: And then you went to Meridian and learned to fly one of those Buckeyes?
Lex: One of those.
Me: And to bomb a little. And fight a little?
Lex: A little.
Me: And land on aircraft carriers?
Lex: Trap.
Me: Then, because you probably did OK with all that you got picked to fly F/A 18s?
Lex: Probably.
Me: And you got to bomb more and fight more and land F/A 18s on carriers?
Lex: Trap.
Me: I suppose when you got OK with all that you had to learn to work with other guys who also got OK with that. You know, like getting assignments to fly missions together and hook up with tankers, find targets, be on the lookout for Mirages, find your way back to the boat, maybe sometimes even in the dark – with no moon.
Lex: Ya.
Me: Seems like a lot of teamwork there to pull that stuff off. I mean, not only teamwork but coordination of individual skills, perseverance, dedication to get the job done, yada, yada. You know, some folks fancy that you gents who do this stuff rank right up there with superstar athletes. Likely even on a higher plane than that only without the mega-dinero. Truly, rara avis.
Lex: vel caeco appareat.
Me: And you got to fly Hornets and Vipers and F-5Fs, too?
Lex: A rose is a rose is a rose.
Me: Then, at some point, you got a “Command” or a “Squadron” or something like that?
Lex: Something like that.
Me: Then you must have had even more responsibilities – for a bunch of pilots, making sure they all do whatever bunches of Navy pilots on carriers are supposed to do?
Lex: Whatever.
Me: So now you have an outrageous rank (your words, not mine) and you are on the beach, so to speak, in San Diego which, btw, having lived in Poway, I’d say ain’t all that bad. And the Navy sends you to school. To take a graduate level course. In “Program Management.” Like you haven’t been managing programs all these years? LIFE AND DEATH programs? WTF?
Lex: WTF.
Me: Looks like a clear cut case of cedant arma togae if you ask me.
Lex: I didn’t ask.
“let arms yield to the gown,” indeed.
Although it is rather an interesting course of instruction. Turns out in the corporate world, not every problem can be solved through speed and violence.
Who knew?
LMAO! I don’t know who Tom is, but I think I like him!!
Who knew?
Well, I guess Cicero knew – “De Officiis”, qv. Also loosely interpreted as “military power must be subordinate to civil authority”, which might be a good thing or a bad thing. Best determined, imho, on a case by case basis.
Also happens to be the motto of the State of Wyoming which, btw, ain’t all that bad a venue to form your corporation if you’re going to include speed and violence in your business plan.
FbL: Tom likes to think he is an exception to one of Lex’s least favorite stereotypes – a doc with a license to kill, ummm, pilot’s license. CPL/ASMEL/IR. Not to worry, however, as I retired myself from the left seat some ten years ago due to a) not enough time to fly enough (4-6 hrs/wk) to feel current, competent, safe, etc. and b) too expensive. Contrary to popular opinion, not all docs are rich and I noticed that the exhaust pipes on the IO-540s began to spit nickels. So what would you do?
Early on, I was told by a patient (UAL Cpt) “The most dangerous thing in the sky is a doc flying a Beechcraft” and I took that under advisement. All flight training after solo in a 140 was at FSI in Vero Beach in a twin (PA 23-250), including IR and CPL.
The only Beechcraft I ever flew was a D-18. It sucked. See Lex’s piece on “Working Hard.”
MS Project not so tough at all. Open it up and play with the fiddly bits. You’ll find yourself remembering what all those profs were cramming into yer noggin back in the trade school.
PERT diagrams, critical path, slack time, and all that. Except now the computer cranks the numbers instead of you playing with a slip stick…
Play with it, you’ll pick it up quick.
CAPT Lex,
Next time you need some help with Project, call the Nuke. Email me and I’ll have you on your way in ten minutes.
As for this:
“lex Says:
September 24th, 2006 at 6:26 am
?
CAPT Lex,
Next time you need some help with Project, call the Nuke. Email me and I’ll have you on your way in ten minutes.
As for this:
“lex Says:
September 24th, 2006 at 6:26 am
“let arms yield to the gown,” indeed.
“Although it is rather an interesting course of instruction. Turns out in the corporate world, not every problem can be solved through speed and violence.”
“Who knew?”
Who says? It’s always, I say again, always, worked for me in the corporate world. It just has to be the right kind of speed, and the right kind of violence. Must be the ADM Rickover in me.
Subsunk
“It just has to be the right kind of speed, and the right kind of violence.”
Boy, I’d like to see that phrase used in a corporate mission statement:
“Speed. Violence. No Regs. Just Right”
/but the OUTBACK Steakhouse already has dibs on the last part.
Darn.
CPT J,
Every job I ever landed for my company was about who got there firstest with the bestest. ZViolence was an inadequate description of putting the proposals together using the civilian help I had to work with. 12 out of 13 of them said, Gee whiz, where have you been? We needed someone who could strip that down, tear it apart and put it back together again with that speed for years. How did you do that?
See proposal, apply violence, liberally driven with the speed of sarcastic and aggressive denigration, while distributing the sweet nothings of platitudes and chocolates for all the folks who sat around and did nothing to assist, and while pushing them off a cliff to get them out of your way.
Worked every time. My company is $30M richer because of it.
Subsunk