You guys think fighter pilots have big heads? You haven’t had to work with the Goat Locker.
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The CHIEF doesn’t sleep with a night light. The CHIEF isn’t afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the CHIEF.
The CHIEF’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.
The CHIEF once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now simply called The Islands.
The CHIEF once counted to infinity . . . twice!
The CHIEF frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.
Superman owns a pair of CHIEF pajamas.
The CHIEF has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself.
If the CHIEF is late, then time had damn well better slow down.
The CHIEF has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a Joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a Monopoly Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO card.
The CHIEF once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took back his soul. The devil (who appreciates irony), couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When the CHIEF was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” The CHIEF received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
The CHIEF actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
The CHIEF once ate three 72-oz steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.
The CHIEF clogs the toilet even when he goes “#1″.
The CHIEF refers to himself in the fourth person.
The CHIEF can divide by zero.
If the CHIEF ever calls your house, be in!
The CHIEF doesn’t leave messages; he leaves warnings.
The CHIEF is one-eighth Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry. The man once ate an Indian.
If you come home and find the CHIEF in bed with your wife, it would be a good idea to fetch a glass of water in case the CHIEF gets thirsty. There is no future in any other course of action.
The CHIEF can slam a revolving door.
The CHIEF was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
One time in an airport a guy accidentally called the CHIEF “buddy.” He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. The CHIEF accepted his apology and politely shook hands. Nine months later the guy’s wife gave birth to a baby with a birthmark that looked like a fouled anchor. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the CHIEF.
When the CHIEF exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Bullets dodge the CHIEF.
The CHIEF once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink . . . once.
The first lunar eclipse took place after the CHIEF challenged the sun to a staring contest. The sun blinked first.
The CHIEF never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.
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The scary thing? I think they actually believe it…
Not like us – we’re more modest.
I’m not sure which was better. This post or the comments in the old one.
But after I picked myself up off the floor, I noticed two things in those other comments:
1. You sure can sober up in a hurry when someone asks the right question, Lex.
2. I’ve wondered about this before but … was somebody trying to tell us something about Were-Kitten and some of those other feline types that have been a little scarce around here lately?
Re: “more modest” link…
*starts to sing*
Mem’ries…
That was a fun thread!
Now that you mention it, we haven’t seen much of WK, Kitty and AFSis lately… though considering the trouble she gets people into, that may not be a bad thing.
Michelle, there is someone around here with multiple personalities.
No, not me.
Well…
I mean, I’m not referring to that in this comment. But yes, I used to hang around here under another name (years ago). Now it’s just li’l ol’ FbL.
Anyway… multiple personalities. But not me.
O-kay.
Moves eyes furtively back and forth…
Looking for nearest exit.
Actually, its all starting to make more sense now.
Never could believe that some of those characters were for real.
Eyes still roving… where is that exit??
*ROFL@Michelle*
It’s hard to laugh and type at the same time! But no need for an exit, Michelle. In fact, I suspect you could fit right in.
Hadn’t thought about how some things may look to someone who’s only been here a year or so… It actually dates back to “comment parties” at “Castle Argghhh!, from whence several of the characters in that linked thread come. Some are people who also commented elsewhere, others are “roles/creations” taken up by those same people for entertainment/creativity purposes (Castle parties put a premium on wit and elegant double entendres). We haven’t had one in years, but apparently the party had spilled over a little that day…
Ahem (politely coughing to draw attention),
The CHIEF (please notice the correct spelling of BOTH words) crosses that little pond called the Atlantic by having four large Marines (and two small sailors) carry his Sedan Chair without getting wet (The CHIEF that is).
Oh, what are the two small sailors for? To carry The CHIEF’S Coffee Mug, of course!
Aw, Lex, you had to link to that Ego post–and that poem by someone who owes me money. Serious money. Durn it, Lex, just rub it in.
Aw, Lex, you had to link to that Ego post–and that poem by someone who owes me money. Serious money. Durn it, Lex, just rub it in.
Oh, Zane! You’re not gonna dangle that out in front of us and not tell us the story, are you?
I thought all the chief stuff was for real until I saw the part about chiefs running and chiefs exercising!
N
FbL, it’s not worth telling. To be fair, the author of the poem has a kill as a Marine aviator in the Vietnam War, and he’s a greaty guy to drink with. But I got a lien on his Key West waterfront property. Shouldn’t have tried to gyp me out of my rent deposit, long, long time ago. That’s about it.
With all due respects to the Chief Petty Officer corps, and I have an enormous amount of respect for them, I will point out if you simply replace the word “CHIEF” in these sentences, and replace them with “Chuck Norris”, most will sound familiar…
I still like them though, and it’s entirely possible that Chuck Norris, back when he was in the Chair Force, secretely looked at pictures of Chiefs and wondered, “Maybe one day when I grow up, I too can become a CHIEF!”
“This is what we have to work with”
Somewhere, at NAS Anyplace or USS Neverdock, there is a Chief saying the same thing…
AWC Ret, 82-06
Mr. Audler,
I’ve known a few (M)(S)CPOs who would gladly give Mr. Norris a run for his money. They may not have studied Tang Su Do like Mr. Norris, but they:
a) Would never back down
b) Take a lickin’ and still keep kickin’
c) Sit down with Mr. Norris after the fight and buy him a beer (or two).
What a great list!
ROFL!!!
As a proudly initiated member of the Goat Locker, I’d welcome Mr. Norris in for a cup of coffee and some small talk. Then I’d politely ask him to leave, join the ranks, work hard… no, make that work VERY hard, and get selected if he ever wishes to come back. Nothing like having known where you were before being granted the privilege.
Um, so what’s your point Captain? Did you need something done or were you just in the mood to sing our praise to the masses? Excuse me sir, I need to fill up my coffee cup.
I just saw the pics of MMC Ervin Mateer’s retirement ceremony over at navy.mil. 65 years in the service? Am I missing something here? I can’t seem to find any details on teh intarwebs.
The CHIEF has the heart of a small boy…
Keeps it in a glass jar in his bottom right hand drawer.
Yes we of the fouled anchor persuasion do get things done – how I got my current gig, interviewed with 3 former JO’s who had stuff to accomplish – now they work for me!
Party on Wayne
so… I’ve been missed? ‘Tis true. I have been remiss about visiting Lex lately. When I’m not dancing on my new pole at Donovan’s yet-to-be-named farm, swinging from my BCR Labs custom chandelier, I’ve been busy with this *hack cough* oops.. sorry. hairball.
I’ve been busy with my paying gig. durn.
I’ll have to think about this “chief” situation and get back to you.
mmmmmmmmmmm aviators… mmmmmmmmm
Having seen a couple of Chiefs’ “pinning” ceremonies recently, I’d have to say this post is from the olde days of “This man’s Navy.” A surprising number of newly anchored chiefs are women – ATTRACTIVE women – in their early 30’s – with no visible tattoos or beer bellys.
Speaking of modest:
In the beginning was the word. And the word was God and all else was darkness and void and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars, so that the light might pierce the darkness. And the earth, God divided between the land and the sea, and these he filled with many assorted creatures.
And the dark salty slimy creatures that inhabited the seashore God called Marines, and dressed them accordingly and the flighty creatures of the air he called Airdales and these he clothed in uniforms which were ruffled and foul. And the lower creatures of the sea God called Skimmers. And with a twinkle in his eye and a sense of humour that only he could have God gave them big grey targets to go to sea on. He gave them many splendid uniforms to wear, he gave them many wonderful and exotic places to visit, he gave them pen and paper so they could write home every week, he gave them make and mends at sea and he gave them a laundry to keep their splendid uniforms clean. When you are God you tend to get carried away.
And on the 7th day as you know God rested and on the 8th day at 0700 God looked down upon the earth and God was not happy. So he thought about his labours and in his infinite wisdom God created a divine creature and this he called a Submariner. And these Submariners whom God had created in his own image were to be of the deep and to them he gave a Brown woolly pully, he gave them black steel messengers of death to roam the depths of the sea waging war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them hotel rooms when they were weary from doing Gods will. He gave them subsistence so that they might entertain the ladies on Saturday nights and impress the hell out of the creatures called Skimmers.
And at the end of the 8th day God looked down upon the earth and saw all was good but still God was not happy because in the course of his labours he had forgotten one thing, he did not have a Submariners brown woolly pully but he thought about it and finally satisfied himself knowing that not just anybody can be a SUBMARINER.
Hey, WereKitten, welcome back!
Ummm, I think…
I mean … I think I might have summoned you.
Perhaps inadvertently.
But then again, Lex has been doing a lot of sharing with us about his love for felines lately.
PingJockey, perhaps that should read “In the beginning, God said ‘Let there be the Military’. And there was the military. And it was good. And God decided there weren’t no need to do no more. Cuz you just don’t mess with perfection!
Or their egos for that matter….”
SeniorD, I think you misunderstood: I think Chuck Norris THINKS he’s a Chief…if he gave a Chief any of that Hu Flung Doo stuff, the Chief would square him away in a New York second…and as we all know, the Captain, Master before God and man, knocks before entering the Goat Locker