Sorry about that. Wasn’t trying to be a drama queen and wasn’t fishing for sympathy votes (although I do appreciate your many kindnesses) but I’d suddenly realized that I wasn’t entirely in control of my environment.
Which is a hard realization for a pilot to make, but one we’ve been trained to respond to: Controls release, throttles idle, speedbrake in.
As mentioned, I plan to be back in battery come tomorrow, albeit at a somewhat lower duty cycle. The fact is that time is the fire we all burn in, and this was taking a great deal more time (and effort) than could responsibly be supported.
So. I know that was a long walk to a small house. Those who’d want to know more are free to follow the jump.
I warn you though: Whinging follows. A discredit to the service, but there it is.
I started this blogging gig on a lark a little over four years ago and – as is all too often the case, impulsivity being one of the crosses that I bear – having no clear notion what I was getting myself into. I knew I had some sea stories I wanted to tell, and in between inspirations I thought it would be fun to talk about domestic politics and international policy a bit, just between us kids. Pretty airplane pictures from time to time. Apart from that, who knew?
What I didn’t know (but probably ought to have in retrospect, being a bit compulsive – OK, more than a bit compulsive) was that “this blogging gig” would in time become The Hobby That Ate My Life. Technorati rankings and page views and the occasional (dreaded) php call. Spam. The random gibbering troll spewing hate and bile at me – me! – ALL IN CAPS!!1!. For God’s sake. Not only in comments, but also through the mail.
There are 471 email messages sitting in my active inbox as we speak. Not all of them spam or hate mail, by any stretch. But most of them impose some class of burden. An unanswered need.
And wasn’t life full enough, what with a daytime job, kids to raise, a domestic garden of mine own to tend?
It was.
It had also become an identity issue: What had been something I did – blogging – started to become something I was: A blogger. Hard work at times for damn low pay. Up early to scan the headlines, think of something pithy to wrap around an issue that far better minds had already packaged neatly and hope for some sudden inspiration – a recollection of an untold tale from a honeyed past whose austere glories were already fading in the rear view mirror. Or, lacking that, for some poor fool to stumble into that very small and specialized niche of my personal expertise. To take pleasure, in other words, at someone else’s deconstruction.
Which, ew.
Fight traffic both ways, nose to the grindstone, grab a bite to eat around the table, spend half an hour talking with my family and then get back to the homework. Because that thesis still hasn’t written itself, has it?
It has not.
Did you see a place in there for a round of golf on the weekends? PT anywhere? And it’s not like those Guinness’s work themselves off, do they?
No, precious. No they they most certainly do not.
But to be fair the rewards were also non-trivial. New friends I’ve met and those I’ll probably never meet, but who are no less real for all that. Exposure to new ideas and insights that, being something of an introvert in real life, I probably would never have gotten around to soliciting. The chance to sharpen rhetorical skills. To think out loud and have those thoughts examined, weighed, tested. There is a kind of amiable discipline in that. And we’re not done here: If I ever get that book published, I’m going to ask you to flog it like galley slaves.
Too, there was the chance to send a kid to camp when the money had run out, through the kindness of people who will never know her. Just in case I ever started feeling sorry for myself. For what I had basically done to myself. Being obsessive. And compulsive.
So it wasn’t easy just to walk away. Even if you do find yourself sitting in the office at 2330 some night, your family sleeping around you, wondering if everything you’ve ever worked for all your life is going be cinders come the dawn. Because that sort of thing can make a man pondersome.
I’m not going to walk away. I probably will have to throttle it way back. Put everything in its proper place. Strike a balance.
I wish I could tell you that the quality will increase with diminishing volume, some sort of blogger’s equivalent to Boyle’s Law. But that’d be unfair to both of us. And anyway, you already got most of my good sea stories. The ones I remember anyway.
For what that’s worth.
See you tomorrow.
Tuesdays and Fridays, take the weekend off. Life will be a lot more fun. It’s the only one we get, so make it worthwhile. Best to you.
It is hard to find that middle way between all and nothing. Post when and what you like.
I gave up my regular blog for much the same reasons. I’d rather be at the range on Saturday morning, with a M 1 Garand tightly slinged, a spotting scope up, and a fresh target up on the backer, waiting for the call…”Ready on the left, ready on the right, all ready on the firing line….”
Cap’n,
I’m glad that you’re an exalted Four Striper and I’m only a Beached Senior Chief. Otherwise I’d be seriously tempted to, with respect, remind you that CWA alerts exist for good reason. You ignore them at your peril.
Trying to handle Graduate School, Full-time Staff Duty, Retirement Planning, Raising four kids, Evacuating from a potential loss of your home (however unlikely that may have been) and trying to live a ‘normal’ life just ain’t compatible with full time blogging. Your dedication to The Hobby That Ate Your Life and your readers is commendable. However, I agree with all of the readers that argue for a longer respite. Bill Whittle over at Eject, Eject, Eject is an example of an excellent writer who publishes on a much easier schedule (he even goes flying!). As ManlyDad points out, LaShawn Barber also cut back her blogging time. Neither suffered a loss of readers or quality of work.
Stand down, dammit! Your life’s evals are not dependent upon publishing a blog every day. As good as you are, Skipper, there’s more than enough on the ‘Net to keep us busy and entertained. We even have our own lives to distract us.
I’ll shut up now.
Lex,
you are the commander in chief of your blog, post when you wish,
I, for one, enjoy your stories and respect your wisdom.
Family is first.
Glad to see you’re still in game Captain.
Understandably at a reduced capacity, but preferred to nothing at all.
Godspeed to you good sir.
Take your time…my google reader will alert me to your next post.
Welcome back old man….
I get mixed feelings from all this. Love the interaction and the virtual friendship. But, with that I also feel like I’m burdening our Humble Scribe by asking him for his attention.
With great power, even if it’s literary, comes some responsibility. But your readers shouldn’t enjoy so much that they become a millstone around the neck.
I guess with all things there has to be a balance.
I’ll just read quietly and try not to raise my hand too much.
Glad you’re back Captain. The blogosphere wouldn’t have been the same.
Just a lurker but glad to have you back
Whinge…. Never in a hundred years would I have ever used or heard of that word (let alone, known how to pronounce it). However, a bit of knowledge has been added to the skull full ‘o’ mush. One of the many reasons i visit several times a day. Thanks
You came back cause I promised no short jokes, didn’t you? See, I knew that’d get cha!
All kidding aside, glad you’re back and THRILLED to see the emphasis on balance. That is what makes EVERYTHING sweeter…..
Good for you Lex. And we’ll still love you even WITH fewer posts. Promise. Those of us that have been hanging out here for the 4 years? Yeah, we may not comment so much but we ain’t goin’ no where……
[...] Evidence here. [...]
I came back from an “unwired” vacation.-Different. You should try it sometime.- and was shocked to see you off the air. I’m gload your back. I was in ASW in the 70s-80′s. So my CO’s were 3 stripers. If One of them were anywhere close to your style, I might be retired now, instead of RE-4. Going on the assumption your command style is anywhere close to your online personality, that is. When I was in, my brother asked if I could get him on a carrier tour. “Why would I want to go on a bird farm?” You make me wish we’d gone.
I really enjoy your work. I don’t want you to stop, just take care of the important stuff first.
We might be a clamoring horde of demanding fans, but unless we pay your salary, you don’t owe us a thing.
thanks,
and thanks for your service and sacrifice as well.
To echo what a lot have said already, it’s all about finding a balance, and making some necessary adjustments to maintain said balance.
Do what you need to do. We’ll adjust as well, seeking our own balance.
Glad to have you back.
Lex:
As a church youth leader, I have to thank you for keeping things in balance. When I talk to the kids in the youth group, it becomes apparent that some parents have no idea what they are sacrificing while pursuing their career/blog/fling/your-obsession-here. I’ll call it profit to see less on the blog if it means more for your home front.
What SeniorD and OzWitch said.
And also ADM R. A. Hopwood, RN :
“On the strength of one link in the cable,
Dependeth the might of the chain.
Who knows when thou may’st be tested?
So live that thou bearest the strain!
When a ship that is tired returneth,
With the signs of the seas showing plain;
Men place her in dock for a season,
And her speed she reneweth again.
So shall ye, if perchance ye grow weary,
In the uttermost parts of the sea,
Pray for leave, for the good of the Service,
As much and as oft as may be…”
Welcome back, Lex. You were missed.
Psst, Lex.
We love you and I’m veddy veddy glad you’re back.
But, ummm, I’m not sure today is counting as “throttled way back”. I would say its maybe… military power? Its just that I’m sure we all would rather have less of you than see you burn out again. Its cuz we care about you, dontchya know…. and yeah, there might be a bit of pure self-interest at work here too.
WRITE THE BOOK! WRITE THE BOOK!
Seriously. You write quite well, and, with your demonstrable fanbase, you could poop on a plate, breeze into a publisher’s office wearing nothing but a bathrobe and still get a deal inked by lunchtime.
Told ya to take a vacation. Sometimes you bosses get in over your heads. You need an understudy. Train your replacement.
No Man is so good he can’t be replaced by a youngster half his age and size.
Subsunk
Thanks for the update Lex. Like the many posts above, take care of the important (family, grad program, career) and the rest (inluding this blod) will take care of themselves.
Having just finished a masters program while working full time, I understand and appreciate the time pressures on you and also on your family. Glad to hear you are putting them first, we will wait. And like others above have said, its the quality of your writing that brings us back.
Save the book for later, but let us know when its done so we can all fight to be first in line to get you to sign it.
Glad to hear that you’re not hanging it up, Lex. Reduced posting is infinitely better than no posting at all for we, your devoted fans. Personally, I don’t know how anybody with a family and career finds the time to maintain a blog at all, never mind at the quality level of your musings.
Please keep ‘em coming, even if it’s only once a week!
I’ve been wondering of late, my dot-comrade, how the bejaysus does Lex find time for anything else, he must blog four or five times a day!
There’s my answer.
I have nothing to add, which has not already been said, and thrice more elegantly.
Actually I mean eloquently – DAMN!
Lex, this is a fine example of your thoughtful and honorable composition. I would expect no less than to have some refocusing occur after the events of the previous week, and you did not disappoint. Nor do you disappoint. Ever.
I’m happy for my own selfish self that you will still be here. And when (not if) the day comes that your first book is published, I will cheerfully flog it to the world, no worries there
Welcome back.
“back in battery”…nicely put. Thanks.
Lex,
glad you’re back
remember, it’s just a blog
you woulda made a great SWO
limopi
I find it amusing that you wrote a blog this long to basically say it was dominating your time. Glad to have you back, but that is funny.
Dude, you are so f-ing cool.
Welcome back, Sir.
and I second comment #79.
Like said, a blog ain’t real life.
Your real life is your family, your home, your responibilies to them.
And of course, your higher beliefs and your Republic.
Post when you have a really good reason, not just a comment on the crazies or the news.
For us that have learned these lessons, just let me say that it took a newborn granddaughter for me to say:
Been there, done that and I don’t want the t-shirt or the distraction.
Live real life…it’s dang short and you don’t get do-overs.
Papa Ray
West Texas
USA