Neptunus Lex

A private citizen who jumps into the political scrum can leave a lot of himself out there when he does so. The things we endorse and the things we oppose can be very revealing. Envious lemon-biters with sociology pee-haitch-dees long used to carrying around an aggrieved quiver full of inflamed entitlements while stroking pet disappointments would be well advised to steer clear. People might see.

But you can’t stop them, not all of them. Some of them are compelled to tell you why they will not vote for one or another political candidate. And in doing so, hugely diminish themselves. I give you Doctor Phillip Butler, PhD. Of Sociology.

(Parenthetically, have you ever noticed how people who have advanced degrees in really, really hard subjects - molecular biology or quantum physics, say - invariably introduce themselves outside their professional spheres in self-deprecating terms. “I’m Bob,” one might say. Or, “Pleased to meet you, my name is Laurie.” Never Doctor Bob, or Professor Laurie. Those titles outside the classroom seem reserved for deeply insecure individuals with advanced degrees in sociology, or maybe education. As a knuckle-dragging Luddite I’m out on a limb here and the rule is by no means universal, but it seems to me that there’s an inverse relationship between the difficulty of achieving an advanced degree and the bearer’s insistence on the honorific.)

But I digress.

Doctor Phillip Butler, PhD. (Sociology) feels compelled to tell us why he will not vote for John McCain, and rarely has one man’s descent into impotent envy and wounded self-importance been so bravely diarized. The list of reasons is comprehensive. The Doctor points out that the nearly 72-year old McCain was something of a rascal back in his early 20’s:

John was a wild man. He was funny, with a quick wit and he was intelligent. But he was intent on breaking every USNA regulation in our 4 inch thick USNA Regulations book. And I believe he must have come as close to his goal as any midshipman who ever attended the Academy. John had me “coming around” to his room frequently during my plebe year. And on one occasion he took me with him to escape “over the wall” in the dead of night. He had a taxi cab waiting for us that took us to a bar some 7 miles away. John had a few beers, but forbid me to drink (watching out for me I guess) and made me drink cokes.

He drank beers, true, but those were wild times back in the 60’s. Some folks were burning their bras and draft cards. Some were dodging the draft at elite universities overseas, smoking pot but not inhaling.

Some were grinding it out at the Severn River Trade School while trying to retain a shred of their individuality, with, oh yeah: A war waiting for them after graduation. As a guy with a couple of Black “N’s” of my own and a veteran sea lawyer, I submit that it’s possible that McCain drank beer, but didn’t swallow. You can’t prove he did. And besides, a young man hoping to fly attack jets in combat who doesn’t shake out a couple of reefs while on liberty runs a serious risk of eventually becoming a weenie. With an advanced degree, maybe. The horror.

Sure, John McCain fought in combat, was shot down, wounded and captured. But did you know that Doctor Phillip Butler, PhD (Sociology) was also a Vietnam era POW? It’s true. And he was there first!

People often ask if I was a Prisoner of War with John McCain. My answer is always “No - John McCain was a POW with me.” The reason is I was there for 8 years and John got there 2 ¬? years later, so he was a POW for 5 ¬? years. And we have our own seniority system, based on time as a POW.

But did that POW seniority entitle the doctor to a Senate seat? It did not. Which I think we can all agree was a crime of historic proportions.

The indignities continue. Sure it’s true that McCain was tortured, and that he refused early release, and that he was awarded decorations for his courage and endurance. But lots of people were, according to the doctor. But how many of them are candidates for president?

Just John McCain. And as POWs go, he’s not even senior. The bastard.

And anyway, what’s a harsh test of personal character over many years got to do with being president?

I furthermore believe that having been a POW is no special qualification for being President of the United States. The two jobs are not the same, and POW experience is not, in my opinion, something I would look for in a presidential candidate.

And he’s a sociology PhD. Which I furthermore believe that we should all take into consideration when evaluating his expert political opinion.

Not only is McCain a “hot head” - and lord knows we’ve never had any of those treading the White House boards - he also claims to be a “moderate” Republican. Which the Doctor says he really isn’t. Because of his Bush Clone voting record. That includes opposition to the Bush tax cuts, a bold (if politically unwise) immigration stance, his demonstrated suspicion of big business, his textured view on the need to combat global climate change and his cool relationship with the religious right which leads one to believe that Doctor Phillip Butler, PhD (Sociology) must believe it is essential to be somewhat left of Leon Trotsky in order to be a moderate Republican. Good luck finding someone like that who could get through the primary process.

Taken all together it seems apparent that Senator John McCain will have to do without the vote of Doctor Phillip Butler, PhD (Sociology) and whomever he can influence with this sour piece of wallowing self-pity and navel gazing self-absorption.

Somehow the senator will have to learn to bear it.

Politics ain’t bean bag.