Five flights today. That’s a lot. Almost like work, five flights. Even when you are having fun.
Flew with a young man getting married soon. Family from Monterey, down here for a bachelor’s party. With the ladies. Dad let him win, I think. While passing out $20 tips like the Rodney Dangerfield character in Caddy Shack. Soon to be ball-and-chain guy flew a good jet, but his best man – who followed after – got as sick as I’ve ever seen anyone be in an airplane.
He was all “Boo-yeah, baby!” in the brief and walking to the machine, but once we’d gotten out of earshot of the others he said that he’d gotten close to the brink one time while flying in a Cessna from Monterey to Bakersfield. “A cross country?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
Thought to myself: This should be fun.
We did a formation take-off to the working area between Carlsbad and Encinitas. Broke up for some familiarization work before going into a shooter/target demonstration. Pretty mild. Here’s sixty degrees of bank, there’s thirty degrees of pitch. Cuppla g’s. Asked your man how he was doing back there after the demo, and answer came there none. Looked over my shoulder to see him making vague gestures of negation before parking himself in the food return bag. For what seemed like an eternity.
I had a student once back in T-2s that hit his limits on a basic instruments hop. I’m pretty sure it was the unusual attitudes that got him, only the effect didn’t kick in until we were on final for a ground controlled approach some 15 minutes later. Five hundred feet above the ground at night and yer man kicked his O2 mask off (with the intercom still running) and hacked his way through supper, and lunch too maybe. Leaving the aircraft to find its own way to earth in whatever manner it might and saying nary a word to your correspondent about relinquishing control. Seeming not to care between landing or crashing and leaving the decision in my hands, like. He was that ill.
Until today, that was the worst I’d ever seen. Your man was in a separate class entirely. He almost made me sick, what with the noises coming out of the trunk. He earned a callsign though, before it was all said and done: “Two Bags.”
Dad threw another twenty at me for my efforts. It feels a little weird, frankly. Monday through Friday I’m a US Navy captain, large and in charge. On weekends I get tips.
The last fellah had a ret good time of it. Cast iron stomach, thank God. Sailor in his part time. Nervous though: Gave the airplane back to me in a middle of a brawl, telling me after that he’d been frightened. Guy my age. I almost had to bite my tongue from laughing out loud, before thinking to myself, “Do I even know anyone brave enough to admit to being frightened?”
Not sure I do.
Not quite ROTF, but most assuredly LOL! Tears in me eyes, yet!
BTW, 1099 employee? Deducting mileage to and fro, as well as 70% M&IE in such an expensive place? Google or pay an aviation tax dude . . .
Love the “food return bag” label vs. the cruder (if outdated) “barf bag”. Lex, I’m sure you aviators flying off the boat are pretty much immune to the airsickness thing. In the RC-135 I rarely had need of the bag, except for the darn training missions where a new copilot needed refueling practice. It wasn’t bad up front near the boom receptacle, but the oscillations way in the back were really amplified. I learned real quick to delay consumption of the infamous AF box lunch.
Only other concern was having a real mission cancelled soon after launch and not being allowed to dump fuel, instead being required to endure two hours of transitions back at the base. Sometimes even 100% O2 didn’t help. It always bothered me until I talked to the father of a young man who worked for me. The old man flew 727s for Continental and was a former BUFF driver, and he admitted that even he lost it once in a while. Those low level routes must have been pretty rough in a BUFF. Then again, what about the poor tailgunners (pre G&H)?
Latest dirty trick I’ve heard about is cutting the bottom of the empty bag off with a pair of scissors, then folding it over so it looks normal again, putting it back on top with the others. Of course, the fold isn’t strong enough to hold back the contents of a full stomach, and so…
Forewarned is forearmed.
I couldn’t stop laughing on this one, it was a “grip don’t slip” memory.
That’s yer static line.
Yawning seems to be contagious as well as other things.
This is why paratroopers seem so aggressive after the drop, it’s not the training, it’s the smell.
Lex,
Any words on the odds of getting sick going up or down depending on whether you control the stick?
One of my coworkers here was a Hornet guy on an IA. His call sign @ school was Chunks. Told me that if he didn’t have the stick he was in trouble. If he was controlling it, life was good.
I dated a girl who was like that. She was fine on a twisty mountain road if she was driving. But if you put her in the passenger seat be prepared to go about 20mph slower and/or be reapeatedly told to slow down.
Kevin-that is funny that you mentioned that. I am like that with driving. Especially on twisty mountain roads. I cannot be in the back seat or it is all over with for me. I don’t get sick to the point of my stomach coming up but dizzy/headache kinda sick. If I am driving, everything is fine as a fiddle. Strange, I am curious about this phenomenon now!Lex- sounds like an interesting day for you to say the least. Glad you made it out of there OK. I am not sure I would have been able to handle someone doing that right beside me without getting “icky” too! LOL!
re- “He almost made me sick..”
In my day we called it sympathetic pukin’.
re- “On weekends I get tips.”
And you better claim ‘em next year Lex!
b2
I almost had to put on the feed bag on once in my only F-16 hop (in the pit)- and I triggered it when I let the jet’s nose drop when doing a roll and I pushed it back up above the horizon – negative g was all it took. Going to 100% O2 helped. The second mistake was sticking the bag in the calf pocket of the G-suit and trying to get at it quickly. Dumb. The other option was pull my glove off because I wasn’t going to leave a mess for the crew chief.
Kevin, flying the machine is better than not flying it for certain, but your man was over the line before ‘fessing up and had nothing left to offer in the article of aircraft control.
I positively worried for his life.
Lex, I’d fly with you any time. I’d never be scared, because I’m flying with one of the best of the best, a Naval Aviator. That and the fact that you didn’t live to be this old and be stupid at the same time. I figure your bucket of luck is fairly full. Now, the food return thing? I’ve never been seasick, but I do remember a time at Disney where my daughter drug me onto the Tea Cups after a full meal that I almost tossed chunks.
Having been sick on several initial flights, I have to say I feel sorry for the guy.
To those of you who are lucky enough to not experience motion sickness, it’s an absolutely terrible feeling. I’ve experienced it on the boat, in the air, and in a car (no, I was not in control in any of these situations).
As Lex said, being the pilot in control certainly helps, but I swear to you that some people just have a natural disposition to motion sickness.
Perhaps fear of losing control does play some sort of factor, but I think there’s more to it than that!
Thanks for sharing the experience!
-jw
My first “aviation” job was a lineboy at a small FBO closest to Mt St Helens. Business was good in ‘78. Everyone wanted to see the mountain percolating before and the destruction after.
Customers did fine on the way out to see the view. The trouble started when they’d RTB. Apparently eyes would stop looking outside at the view/horizon and stomaches would get lost somewhere between the brain and inner ear.
Lovely. For the record I’d rather clean the carpet in a 172 than a Cherokee…
Q: “Gee kid, that really stinks. Why don’t you get a job in town at Shakeys?
A: “What? Leave aviation?”
I’d love to be a fly on the wing-tip watching the twenties fly at you Lex. Can’t imagine ANY of my former CO’s gettin’ tipped for their efforts like that, even if the tipper doesn’t know your alter persona after you change in to the dress canvas in the phone booth! You really must have to dig deep to maintain the grace during those moments. Of cours, that’s the “Gentleman” part of that whole “Officer AND a Gentleman” thing, right?
Still, all in all, beats what most do for bucks these days.
BE603,
What’d you use to get the smell out of the carpet back then. Had one of mine Linda Blair into the back and it took a couple of years to get normal. On a hot humid day you wanted to take the doors off.
GEO6
GEO6
I used to dump baking soda on the spot after I cleaned it, scrub it in good and then add some vinegar, scrubbing again while it foamed up. Then take a shop vac to it. If you didn’t get all of the baking soda, just wait until it dried and hit it with the shop vac again. Used to make alot of money with that trick, just for the reason you gave. I also used to get a nice tip for giving a couple of 1 gallon Ziploc bags with a couple of the lemon hand toweletts along with the barf bags the FBO provided.
I’ll ditto the baking soda and vinegar solution. Works well for a variety of messes.
Lex ~ I’m with Byron on this one. Flying with you, I don’t think I’d have sense to be scared. Then again, I don’t scare easily. With regard to motion sickness, I’m good as long as I’m in control (I know, big surprise there).
Lex,
I trust the crash up there today had little or nothing to do with you guys….. From the news report I saw it looks like everybody was very lucky.
No, that guy apparently came in hot and landed long. Closed the airfield down for the better part of an hour, but didn’t affect us.
I was seasick slightly once, went below to pee/poo during a sailing race. Did not upchuck, just felt slightly queasy, possibly consequent to the “head” smell.
And no horizon.
I think it’s pretty well understood now, that seasickness is caused by discrepancies between what the eye reports, and the signals from the vestibular canals.
Basically, when at sea, stare at the horizon when on deck, keep yer eyes shut when below until you get used to it.
Flying adds a third dimension of course.
I flatter myself that being borderline autististic, I’m less susceptible to motion sickness than most folks, and would be happy to pay Lex to test that theory.
And no, I would not attempt a tip afterwards, maybe buy us dinner and drinks
Two Bags. Yeah, I’m sure he appreciated that – wonder how much hay the rest of the wedding party will make with that all weekend…and for years after I’m sure.
I don’t remember ever getting airsick and I’ve been in some fairly rough commercial air flights.
However, I do get seasick. Not good when you’re a SWO.
In a typhoon
On an amphib
Rolling 30+ degrees in a big swaying arc. I think someone calculated we were moving 30-40′ each direction off centerline when we were up on the bridge.
Worst personal experience was after spending all nite drinking ouzo in Athens .We-as spare aircrews on way from RAF Woodbridge to rotation alert in Incirlik–hopped on C-130 for 0600 t.o. via stop in Iraklion Crete. Bumpy low level ride among the cumulus thermals about did me in–sickest I’ve ever felt in AF career. No barf, but if had taken 30 sec more to come to full stop at Crete and hop out for air, hello reverse digestion!
Worst all time actual “event” happened while flying old Western Martin 404from Denver to Grand Junction on Western slope. Mountain thermals were really rough and on final young teen-age kid in seat lost his but couldn’t find the bag in time . I heard this noise and looked over to
see he’d tossed in both hands–stuff dripping everywhere. Needless to say, stew was disgusted to put it mildly as she had to “administer” to poor
guy on final…..was NOT a pretty sight.
Jim C, when I was a kid and worked at the FBO we had a rule. You dirty the plane you clean it up. We usually had to work on the spot some after the poor guy left, but at least the worst was gone.
Only time I ever came close to getting sick in the air (knocking on wood heavily) was when my Dad and I took a friend and his son for a ride in a 172. Kid got sick sitting right next to me.
Talk about trying to keep your eyes on the horizon and your mind on something else!
Great scene in the movie “Space Cowboys” when Tommy Lee Jones takes a kid up in a biplane (Stearman?) for some aerobatics and kid blows chunks from the front seat. Great movie, even though you have to totally suspend your disbelief. Any movie with Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, James Garner and Donald Southerland couldn’t be bad.
Lex, Re the tip matter ( all the flippen Barf talk is making me sick) …had a similar experience just after I got off AD in the way back. I received a tip from a stranger for helping a friend move some furniture into the stranger’s house… it was “weird” and I was surprisingly affronted … me a humble, albeit noble, non-lifer, 0-3… so buck up old sport… and think of it as just one of the joys of transitioning to civilian life. Best