So there I was, cruising the aisles of the local Jimbo’s organic grocery hoping for gustatory inspiration, when I suddenly realized that every other person in the establishment, from the hollow-eyed, Brillo-haired stoner at the checkout counter with the gauges in his ears, to the pair of middle aged gentlemen aggressively padding the aisles with bowed legs, slip-on loafers, spandex shorts and Italian team cycling jerseys, to the angry-eyed female couple with their stout, hairy legs thrusting resolutely out from within their REI cargo shorts and terminating in their matching Birkenstocks, to the vaguely anesthetized woman wandering through the patchouli selection in her tie-dyed t-shirt and gypsy skirt, to the bovine couple – he in pony tail and goatee, she in a spinaker-sized muu-muu whose billowing folds hinted of mysterious things not yet seen nor even dreamt upon – both of them working their stoic way through all of the various samples on offer throughout the store with fixed determination, yea: even unto the perpetually peevish pint-sized person parking his Prius at the portal – everyone – would be voting for Barack Obama come November.
It was a dispiriting notion somehow, and I felt hemmed in, surrounded, outnumbered. Oppressed. By the sheer hopiness of it. And change.
Until later, when, munching thoughtfully on my free range chicken breast and arugula salad with oil and balsamic vinaigrette dressing – too much, I always use too much – I said to myself: Eh.
Should have went to Popeye’s.
Lex, sweetheart … just don’t shop there. There are normal grocery stores in your area where normal people go. That store sounds like the Whole Foods store near us. It, too, is filled with the Wild and the Strange and the Discouraging versions of humanity. We avoid it, going instead to the H-E-B store [Central Market} which has a great deli, and prime [honest] beef at absurdly high cost that is butter tender. My theory is that one eats chicken and/or pasta most of the time, and at least once a month indulges in a prime beef chateaubriand which, when doled out over five or six days, turns out to be not so expensive after all. Of course, there are only two of us, and four or five of you, [depending on whether SNO joins you for dinner] but the principle’s the same. Portion control on the meat, and eat lots of veggies.
And stay away from those tacky, Birkenstock-wearing folk in smeary shirts and skirts. They’re so over.
Marianne
LOL, Marianne! You DO make me smile, Madam.
And Lex… the lady does give good advice, ya know.
Worse? As in a choice? What a choice- amongst narcissistic stupid sated sheep or zealot offal eating hyenas….. sheesh. And I was so looking forward to watching the Georgia-Bama game…
I’m old now but one must look to the future. Is European style socialism that will DEFINTELY come with Obama worth fighting against? I mean fighting vis a vis political wars 1850-1860, of course. Wouldn’t want to scare anyone outta their left coast comfort zones because I hunt, own land in MT, did a stint in the military and am a cultural conservative….
How’s that NH license plate go?
b2
The Horror!
Glad you could escape and evade the enemy. I guess SERE Training stuck pretty good
Well, it at least makes for more interesting scenery than I usually get at the local HEB Plus (what CAN’T one buy there?).
My Whole Foods Story: Went to an engagement party (1st mistake) for one of the wife’s friends. This friend is rather the “crunchy granola” type, and so here party featured only free-range, fair trade, 100% organic, etc., foods. Which really? They didn’t taste any different at all. Even the large, rather delicious-looking cake had been purchased at Whole Foods. “Oh yes, they have a wonderful bakery, and don’t use any artificial ingredients and use all whole grains.” So, I take a nice big slice (2nd mistake).
It tasted like stale cornbread covered in brown sugar cream cheese. Nearly ruined me for cake. Totally ruined me for Whole Foods. All of “those people” at the party raved about it. Probably never had real pastry in their lives. Cake defilers!
Now you know how I feel here in Chicago (aka The People’s Republic of Cook County or Illinois).
Lex,
Sounds like a good cross cultural warmup. You’re ready to go really deep cover behind the Hemp Curtain in OB.
Bet you’re close enough to lunch break and wander through the People’s Market on Voltaire?
McCain/Palin or Duncan D Hunter stickers? I’ve had mine stripped off down there. Lucky I didn’t get keyed.
While you’re at it burn some carbon credits with a single bacon cheese and Frings at Hodads (just be sure to order a cardiologist to go). Enjoy the view of the head shop other side of Newport Ave.
Call the time, I’ll buy.
Heh. I have the same kind of feeling when I visit my local crunchy granola place–they have the most heavenly sandwiches, a bakery that tastes like homemade (as long as you stick to the “normal” foods/ingredients), and lots of yummies for vegetarian weirdos like me.
But I feel like I’m some kind of secret agent whenever I’m there. As if were they to be able to read my mind they’d recoil in horror as I passed by. I think I like that feeling just a little bit… I used to get a great kick dropping by in my work clothes (with the military base’s name printed on the pocket) to grab something for breakfast on my way out of town.
Lex, don’t despair of those trendy “with it” folks out there on the Left Coast and their voting proclivities. I’m stuck here in the very “blue” NJ amid similar ilk, but I prefer to put my trust in those solid, level headed, work-for-a-living real people in the middle. I pray that they do the right thing for us come this election day. I do recall a conservative comentator (think it was Rush) who overheard one of the Eastern elite-types lamenting the reelection of W. Couldn’t understand how it could happen since no one she knew had voted for him.
That stuff’s expensive for what you get. Sure, it might be slightly healthier for you than the regular stuff, but it’s much more expensive.
The Caveman Diet is the best, what we evolved for, but it’s expensive, seeing that there are so many people, and we had to invent agriculture. (I think there’s something about that in the book of Genesis; sweat of the brow, and all)
Reminds me of the time the neighbor took me out to shoot a selection of his autoloading pistols. I Did Not Want the icky Glock trigger! The Sig was really cool, but not three times cooler than the ugly Ruger, though three times as costly
Yep, Tucson is also a lefty enclave in otherwise conservative Arizona, albeit not as bad as New York City, in which I feel like one of the characters in “The Great Escape” waiting for the train. Not bold enough to try a McCain bumper sticker in this town, as I’d like to pass my Accord on to one of my sons in a few years with as little cosmetic damage as possible.
For Google’s sake, I’ll say it again:
Icky Glock Trigger! Do Not Want!
Lex, wtf are you doing in a place like that? They used to tell us to stay away from those joints in pre-liberty briefs. How so?
Joints like this are destined to close, like WaMu, but before they do, they aim to take as much of your money as they can.
Take it from me — don’t never talk about this place at next year’s ‘Hook.
Instead of buying organic arugula, go buy a cuppla tri-tips or some pork shoulder from your local Lucky’s or wherever. Get the cheap booze while you’re at it.
Life’s too short to blow it at a joint like this. Glad you don’t live near Berkeley: http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-bowl22-2008sep22,0,4407053,full.story
We’d be reading about you on the front pages of the SF Comical.
Good grief Lex… I’m going to need some serious mental bleach to get the image of the local citizenry out of my head. You are way too good at painting a verbal picture. Either that, or I’m way too good at visualizing what you’re saying.
Jim C
Lex, if your considering going into “deep cover” to blend with the locals, better buy a Volvo Station-Wagon for Mrs. Lex and a SAAB for yourself. (you do know, don’t you, that studies have actually confirmed that social sciences faculty on most college campuses drive Volvo more than any other make of car, and the further to the left their politics are, the more likely they are to drive SAABs?) PS. although I must admit this survey was take prior to the advent of the Prius.
Like “rivetjoint” above, I too live in Doity Joisey. In Hudson County to be more exact, aka, “The Heart of Darkness”, (not as in color, but as in “up the river and back into the stone age”), one does not display any bumper sticker other than an Obama one. Other wise, broken windows, broken mirrors, scratches, lipstick smears. Such wonderful people these Obama voters. I feel like I’m watching the coming of the anti-christ. WTH, three score and ten and counting.
PS: again to Lex. Don’t give up your bike. (Even if it is a BMW. You just didn’t know any better at the time).
“Brillo-haired stoner with guages in his hears” God damn Lex, I love the clarity of your thought and your use of the language. It must have been a real treat to be at sea working for you, sitting in on our debriefings or reading your memos.
Lex you have to watch yourself in places like that. Some years ago I was visiting my brother who lives in the hills of Berkeley. We liked to go out to sea on charter boats to catch rock fish. On this trip we’d gotten on a boat to fish at the Cordell Banks about 50 miles off shore. It was a rough trip and the boat was pounding hard. The passengers, myself included, took quite a beating. I was prone to back spasms in those days. The next morning, my brother and I hie ourselves down to the local hardware store on the Berkeley flats to get some off bit of metal. I’m walking through the store when my back seizes and I drop to my hands and knees to protect the back. As I look up I spy some wide eyed hippy chick in a tie dyed shirt who looks at me and says “What are you ON?”
I figured that she might like anything that would make her spontaneously drop to her hands and knees–so I didn’t tell her the secret.
virgil … now, now, no nasty cracks about Volvo station wagons. please. I bought my little beauty, the Duchess, in 1991 and have driven her ever since, through good weather and bad. Not because I’m a member of the liberal Democratic bunch and want to show how trendy I am. But because it is a wonderful car, dependable, low maintenance and efficient. Once a year she has gone into the car center to get oil changes, brake checks and all the other necessary stuff, along with her vehicle inspection sticker.
Never a high bill, by the way. Finally, this summer, I decided that I wanted to keep her instead of buying a new car that would yammer at me, try to make me do things with it that I didn’t want to do, and generally treat me as if I were a passenger, not the operator of a vehicle. So I took her to the Swiss Garage near here, told them to replace all hoses, inspect all parts and replace anything which should be replaced. It was the first time she ever cost me more than a few hundred bucks, but she was returned in perfect shape and now runs like a spotted ape. The garage owner said to me. “Gosh, that’s really a nice clean car.”
My husband drives a new Honda Accord and I suppose it’s all right. But I like my Volvo. Like Mehitabel the cat said to Archie, the Cockroach, “There’s a dance in the old dame yet.” We old dames stick together.
Marianne
Lex The Arugula Eater,
Um, like………….
“Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula?”
I say stick with Jimbo’s.
I will be the dissenter and say I actually like to shop in places like that, Whole Foods, because their selection is amazing (ours is) and the produce is tremendous compared to our supermarkets. I don’t shop there, however, as its too far away from my home and the gas isn’t worth it.
But wow, our Whole Foods has some of the best fruit and their lettuce isn’t wilted and I am in heaven walking through their fresh produce, surrounded my earthy crunchies or not.
However, I do get my free range chicken from my local supermarket. They do have it, and I’m a BIG believer in free range chicken, because I’ve been buying it for 4 years and it absolutely cooks differently than the other stuff. Its never tough and it is just better meat… in my experience. Everyone can shout me down if they want…
If I get the nerve, I’m posting tonight on why Obama is going to win and what I saw yesterday at WalMart when I was selling popcorn with the Cub Scouts. Depressing as hell… Obama is going to win. I’m trying to wrap my mind around it and brace myself…
I have to assume I may be by far the most ‘lefty’ liberal poster/guest here.
But for the record, may I state I have never shopped at a Whole Food or organic store (I do hit a farmers’ market once in awhile), have never worn tie-dye or Birkenstocks, hate patchouli, have never defaced a Republican sign or bumper-sticker, never eaten aurugala, don’t have Brillo hair, and I drive a Porsche instead of a Volvo/Saab (although I did once drive a Volvo long ago. Good car).
I have worked most of my life with a majority of conservatives. No problem, as long as we avoid political discussions. I also shop where I do because of the products they have, regardless of their clientele (which I can only assume is mostly conservative or neo-con.)
While I try to be tolerant – although not always successful – of people’s political beliefs and their social/economic strata, I nevertheless do worry about what I see as an unhealthy, growing class conflict within our society. Regardless of a society’s economical or political structure, an ever-growing divergence between economic classes and polarized political beliefs without compromise will, if left to grow, inevitably invites revolt, if not worse.
Like a few here, this liberal also has military surplus ‘spam-cans’ full of 30 cal. and 7.62×39 rounds stored away. So tell me if God forbid, our worst-case scenario ever happens in my lifetime, how will I be able to differentiate the zealots, fascists, criminals, subversives, crazies, bullies, opportunists, and panicked and desperate anarchists from those of greater integrity and truer patriots? Do I differentiate by what stores did they used to shop? Who will be the greater threat to my family, and whom might I trust. With whom do I barter rounds; and against whom might I need to use them? Do you know?
Welcome to my world, Lex. Living in the liberal wasteland that is New England – I feel your pain honey. Really I do.
Wish I could tell you it will pass; it won’t. You just get used to it after a while. You may even start to rebel against the tide. I did – I stepped out and 0penly declared my intentions.
I put out a McCain/Palin lawn sign! GACK! It’s the first one in my neighborhood; it’s not the only one in my small town – but we’re bitter, clinging to religion and guns kind of farm-town folks.
What the hell do we know…
So tell me if God forbid, our worst-case scenario ever happens in my lifetime, how will I be able to differentiate the zealots, fascists, criminals, subversives, crazies, bullies, opportunists, and panicked and desperate anarchists from those of greater integrity and truer patriots?
Well Gee Flit, If you haven’t figured it out by now~ I’m afraid you just aren’t going to.
How can I, unkawill?
People can change abruptly and often unexpectedly when placed in extremis.
It is sometimes quite surprising to see some who unpredictably soar above their peers with uncommon performance, valor and virtue when under extreme duress; and alternatively, to sadly see those who unexpectedly and disappointingly, wilt.
Moreover, past performance is not necessarily prologue. I can think of two men offhand that performed heroically under life-threatening combat conditions, but later succumbed to political corruption while in a benign environment.
Who can truly say they know the soul of a man?
Fliterman,
I’ll see you your apocalyptic class war and raise you a liberal fascist dictatorship
But seriously Fliterman (editor ate my too long aside) – while I don’t think we are on our way to either red or brown revolutionary upheavals, I do think that when we catch the political equivilent of a pneumonia, around the world less healthy countries can catch the political equivilent of TB – something deadly and contagious. We have no right to be this bush league in our political hatreds and divisions, but I don’t see a way out rather than to try to be as civil as possible, get to know and work at respecting fellow countrymen with whom I disagree for the things they believe and do which are admirable, and occasionally let forth with some hyperbole on issues that really, really matter (and Sen. Obama’s law-enforcement supporters using the power of the state for partisan purposes is close to the top of that list along with him being to the left of NARAL on the born alive act).
“I have to assume I may be by far the most ‘lefty’ liberal poster/guest here.”
Yep, I would say so, fliterman. Between you and Our Paul, I suppose.
It’s kind of sad, though. I do believe that once upon a time I had the honour of holding that title…
# 26 and 27 – DC,
Without a wealth of chips remaining, I’ll just merely have to call.
In fact we are in good agreement regarding the “bush league in our political hatreds and divisions,” and our country’s deteriorating wellbeing being a strong influence upon less healthy countries, and affecting negatively the delicate world balances.
Although I am an ardent believer in free speech, part of the problem in my view is the proliferation of cable ‘news’ sites, certain left and right Internet blogs, and radio talk shows that rather than inform, intend to proselytize and seek to inflame our bitter political divisions even more. It is becoming a national pastime; and a regrettable one. I imagine your blood pressure must rise watching Olberman as much as mine does watching Hannity.
However there is hope. I remember well when there was no Internet, and were only three major TV outlets that gave equally objective news more than commentary. Yet as a country, we were rarely more divided than during the 1960′s. We muddled through it, and thankfully made great progress. We will hopefully do it again.
I must confess I have not researched the Obama law-enforcement supporter issue as much as I should, to discuss it intelligently. But rather than using the words of Mrs. Palin – “I’ll get back to you” – I’ll do this for now:
I’ll see your Missouri prosecutors’ prior restraint outrage and raise you the politicization of the DoJ and the firing of the U.S Attorneys.
[PS, Michelle – I can be devils advocate, change spots, and debate for a bit, the opposite if you really, really desire… ]
re: “I’ll see your Missouri prosecutors’ prior restraint outrage and raise you the politicization of the DoJ and the firing of the U.S Attorneys”
Now, see that’s what I’ve been on about, this conflation of an executive firing politically appointed at-will employees and the use of state power to suppress speech.
As for the changing spots thing, the position is filled
Touché, mon Capitaine.
You know, Kris, there is a reason why we’re called the ‘Left Coast’. Here in Washington everything west of the Cascades just reeks of Liberalism, leaving me with days where I just want to…no, I won’t go there.
My Whole Foods & PCC Market adventures are always prefaced by “Be kind to dumb animals, Mongo. Be kind to dumb animals. God loves them also.”
So far the mantra works…so far.
Mongo, to steal from others here:
I’ll see your left coast liberalism and raise you the northeast’s liberalism plus elitism. It’s a heady brew I tell you.
Some days, I do wonder why I try.
Kris and Mongo,
Imagine the pain involved in living 30-40 miles from Boulder, and Ward Churchill. Ack!
Jim C
…when, munching thoughtfully on my free range chicken breast and arugula salad with oil and balsamic vinaigrette dressing…
1. I was personally more amused by the image of our fair host “munching thoughtfully” on salad than anything else. Being the unwashed blue-shirted interloper (read: enlisted Navy peon) I am, my compatriots mainly inhale the edible matter on their plates with an intensity usually reserved for black holes and Kirby vacuums.
(Note: comment author reserves the right to refer to substances purported by the United States Navy Enlisted Galley to be “food” as “edible matter.” For instance, scrambled eggs are most assuredly NOT supposed to be a marbled pattern of green, blue, orange, white, and yellow, nor are they intended to be served in six-inch deep baking pans. Comment author also required Google, Wikipedia, and a trip to the grocery to determine the nature of the substance: “Arugula.”)
2. Me wonders if Lex is making with the hefty subtext and saying something about not-so-recent commentary by the Blue Candidate concerning the price of arugula at Whole Foods.
Investigating that noise first hand, sir?
3. Apologies for the commentary if offense is caused. Simply trying to inject a little more levity.