Broke the news to the Kat that your correspondent was heading to Texas next weekend for to discuss a potentially lucrative opportunity. Resettlement involved of course, but a day’s work for a day’s pay, summat to call my own and none of your confiscatory taxation. Intimated that there might be horseflesh in it for her, not to mention a severe reduction in the amount of paternal angst seeping through the floorboards. What with the crushing burden of debt, and that.
And acreage. I did not neglect to mention the acreage. Asked if she’d like to join me, just to have a look around. See for herself. Make an informed decision.
Her response?
Drama ain’t in it. It was Rachel and the innocents, like. Positively retched.
In consequence of which we spent the afternoon driving around Carmel Valley looking for more “affordable” housing, just for the due diligence that was in it.
Which is quite possibly the most depressing thing I’ve done since I can’t quite remember. Anything coastwise being unlivable. Anything landward being inaccessible.
Somebody pour me a drink.
Spent a bit of time in Carmel Valley. My experience was if “affordable” was in your vocabulary, you couldn’t…
Hang in there… After the shock wears off she may become a little more receptive.
Michael Collins whisky… It cures all ailments.
I feel your pain Skipper.
But for the golden handcuffs it’d be the free states of AK or TX for me too. Not to mention the howls of teenage daughters.
If it’s lower cost living in San Dog there’s always East County. Some improving values out here now. Zoning allowing horses starts at County edge of El Cajon (Helix, Horizon Hills and east).
Straight shot west to Pt Loma on your scooter.
As for the schools: for our money, Valhalla and Steele Canyon are good as Poway (better even considering less $ ‘tude).
O’course the Kat would probably still be howling about North County School chums.
“You can be right–or you can be happy”
——– Original Author unk, but on tgt nonetheless;
which is probably why a million people claim authorship……
Lex … be strong, my friend. You’re about to go into the most expensive years of child-raising — the college years, for your two beautiful darlings. Set your jaw, pull up your socks, dry the Kat’s tears and fly in to Texas to look around. I hope the offer is great. I know you would love to have no state income tax, no dumb environmental rules to impinge on your personal freedoms, great hunting, fishing, flying and sailing. And a job that really pays well.
Good luck, sweetie. I hope you’ll see your way to joining us Texans. Oh — and we love, absolutely love football. And your girls will love those big Texas boys … when they get around to loving any boys, that is. And Dallas is the center of the Southern fashion world, so the Olympic All-Girl Spending Team will love it.
Keep these salient points in mind and you’ll be fine.
Marianne
I would point out that drama is part of being a teenager. I would not make my life decisions based on that.
I quote, “Which is quite possibly the most depressing thing I’ve done since I can’t quite remember…. Somebody pour me a drink.”
Really, you have a chance to move to God’s country and you aren’t even going to go look into it? With decent pay and some land?
I’m sympathetic as my wife’s life as a mil brat practically destroyed her which is one of the reasons we didn’t put our family thru it. Being a senior noncom’s kid wasn’t as rough for me. It worked out for us but the real reality check is whether or not you like to eat and have a roof overhead while getting ‘em thru the college years. You gotta go where the pay is. Bottom line. And don’t forget- age 60 ain’t that far off either.
Lex:
You have reached the ultimate conumdrum. How do we satisfy our needs and desires as well as those of our off spring. I don’t think there is a right answer. Make the decision based on the facts that are known now and never look back. Your entire family will realize the wisdom of your decision in the comming years. Go for it and best of luck! Boss.
Having moved around my entire life thanks to the Army… I’d just like to tell you that this is all a part of growing up. I grew to love moving around and learned that as much as I missed where I came from, I loved where I was at. I guess I was a different kind of Military Brat.
One of my favorite movies of all time is “True Women” which was a made for TV movie with Angelina Jolie and Dana Delany based on a book by Janice Woods Windle. In one part, a young Euphemia has to move to the great territory of Texas and when her uncle comes to get her she says she doesn’t want to leave her friends. He tells her “What about all of those friends you haven’t met yet?” And he talks about “fast Texas ponies.”
I spent the absolute best years of my life in Texas as a kid. It is an amazing place to grow up even the indoctrination of 7th grade Texas history wasn’t that bad!
And UT is an AWESOME school. Bluebonnets blanket the grounds in spring with other Texas wildflowers and I know you’ll miss your ocean but there’s something to be said about creeks and rivers and deer in your yard… fireflies, grand oaks, and did I mention the sunsets? -Unlike any you’ll find anywhere in the world.
Do what’s best for your family, as you always have. Growing up is not always fun or easy, but I bet she’ll get over moving much faster than you will. : ) Kids are resilient as much as they are passionate.
Oh but be careful… we’re big on cheerleading in Texas and your daughter might grow up a Dallas Cowboys fan like I did!
Lot’s of salient advice here. You could maybe coax her into the move by mentioning that there is always the possible return via college years at UCSD or USD, but you know, you’ll pay for that.
Well, at least you tried.
But, then again, I agree with Pogue … she might just warm to the idea yet. Consider that a test run, not the end of the story. Like the others said, gather all the info you can and then, ultimately, you gotta do what you (and your loving wife) feel is going to best for the family. That’s all of you.
You know, if you could convince the Kat to take the trip with you anyway (not because we’ve made a decision to move there but because I’ve made a commitment to this interview and wouldn’t she like a little mini-vacation and some time off school?), you might just be able to subtly nuture some of those seeds you just planted. No matter how unwilling she was to have them planted.
I’ve come to the conclusion that when you’re dealing with them at this age, loving manipulation to the nth degree is the answer. All the best. And pour yourself a double. You might just need it.
One last thought … do you think she might be any more open to the mini-vacation idea if she could bring a close friend with her? Not sure if that might make it better or worse, but I will throw it out there FWIW.
In 96′ when we left SoCal I had to drag SN2 by the ear to get on the jet… I will never forget the fit he put up at the gate. Dog in cargo, moving van long gone. He didn’t want to leave.
In retrospect, it was the best thing we could have done for him as the schools were so much better where we are now and, Mom was so much happier… Makes for a better family.
Recently, we have been telling these now grown children that Mom and Dad are going to downsize in the next few years. The older said “I’ll die if you sell our family home.” Heh… family home; we’ve only lived here 11 years. Home is where the heart is and only age can bring that kind of wisdom. Everyone else just has to follow on.
Do what you think is best. You are the adult.
My parents uprooted me from the West Coast to the middle of Nowhere, Maine for my senior year of high school. I am now a mad scientist. Death rays are kinda like our Eagle Scout project. The question you need to ask, for the well-being of the planet, is how good are her electronics skills? (I was taking things apart and studying them — thoughtfully — at a very early age. Just saying.)
I agree with Babs. Consider that the Kat is gonna feel that way even if you just move to the next town over. She is 14, after all. Lots of advantages for her in moving to TX, but she can’t agree right off the bat. She is 14, after all.
If you and the Mrs. think it’s the right thing in the long run, go for it.
I’ve been here and…. I’ve been there and… I’ve been in between….. East coast, West coast, North coast, South coast…. From Norfolk VA to Cupertino, CA. From Cleveland, OH to Houston, TX. I moved the kids 5 times in pursuit of what is so called a “career”, and none so happy as to be shed of the state of CA. Loved where I lived and the friends I made, hated the costs. But , they say, your property taxes are higher! (yeah the are compared to a pre- PROP 13 homeowner. But once that kicks in, hoooo boy! Gimme lower gas prices, lower food prices, lower housing costs, concealed carry, and affordable land any day. ) Been in Texas 27 years now, roughly half each split between Houston and the Dallas area….. but there’s a whole lotta state besides the big cities. C’mon out, y’all love it!
I moved my boys (alright, they’re boys, not girls) twice in their high school years and they both survived. Once she gets over the shock she’ll be fine……..
Funny you should say that Ms. Birdlegs. Because when I was 14 my parents moved to the next town over.
I felt very alienated having to start in a new school and all. I think now that they might as well have moved out of state as my emotions would have been the same and the long term girlfriends, that I still stay in contact with, would have been with me to this day.
Moving a kid at 14 is totally doable. Moving her between her Jr and Sr year… eh… that doth sucketh.
But you do what you have to do. You suck it up, grit your teeth, clench your fists and know it will pass with time.
If you get her back in with horses, get her to where she is comfortable, she’ll slowly slide into a community that feels like her skin.
We military kids adapt. We may kick and scream, but we adapt.
As for drama, I remember one time my Dad was leaving on deployment, and I literally threw myself weeping and gnashing of teeth, threw myself at his feet as he was departing through the front door. Good Lord. I look back on that and think 1) I had no shame, 2) how could I have done that to him 3) his feelings absolutely did not come into play and 4) I truly was heartbroken at the time. The next week… heh… I was fine.
We military kids are resilient… even if we act sometimes as if we are not.
I’m a Texas expat who’s trying to sell a house in Virginia so I can move back home. Keep trying. I’ve known many who hated the idea of moving to Texas and then found that once they moved there that they don’ t want to move again.
Aye, Skipper, you come to the Lone Star State and we’ll show you some of the best motorcycle roads in the Known Universe.
And we like our vets too.
Lex,
As another father of two daughters, my considered advice, based on years of experience, is to….erm…..reinforce that drink of yours.
Not every family is a “Father Knows Best” situation–even back in the day. But if your daughters (I’m the father of two in their late 30′s) know that you gave it your best shot and you were there for them–then you can get away with doing what you have to do that is best for the family. I grew up out in that “horse country” east of Mt. Helix in the 50′s and early 60′s. Some nice places there–but they don’t have a patch on what you can find just outside of Dallas.
Still, you might want to make that drink a pretty strong one to get through the emotional angst of a 14 year old daughter.
More gratuitous advice from one who knows. Fire up the computer to realtor.com and input your target job neighborhood and let the wife and daughters peruse la difference. Give them 3 weeks to see how much more can be had in Texas for the coin of the realm and you’ll come home one day to find a moving truck in the drive. It happened to me. Bon chance.
I hauled the wife from a comfortable, midwestern city where she was a minor city official into the middle-of-nowhere, no friends, only four other women within a mile radius. Did it for the money, and the independence, plus we thought it a better place to raise a family. Took another 10 years for that to happen, but the plan I think was still sound.
Did I mention we moved north, and her precious garden went from zone 5 to zone 7 or something like that? Tragic, or so I’ve been told.
Endlessly.
She threatened me with divorce the day I brought her up to look around, and we weren’t even married yet.
Now her horses are on our own land, she can look at them from the picture window. She has about 3 acres of garden, about 60′ of shelf space in the larder with Mason jars full of her own crop. And it took a bit of introduction, but she has new friends. Good friends. And so do I.
You will never regret moving from a nanny state to one that allows independence, and you will never stop kicking yourself should you fail to instill that self-sufficiency into your kids.
I’m not so much thinking regulation here, I’m thinking mindset, what she’ll see others doing and thus learn from example.
Caring for a postage stamp of lawn isn’t much of a chore. Caring for 5 acres of it is. Caring for 5 acres that also feeds her horses and thus requires careful storage of the trimmings for the leaner months of winter (such as it is) makes a lesson. Kids can use those lessons.
Then there’s the possibility of chickens, turkeys, guineas, eggs to collect and birds to butcher. You’ve monitored the thread on Sarah Palin, is it worth something for the kids to know where their food comes from, and for you to know what that food had eaten and how it was treated?
So what does the missus think of a garden? A happy wife with room for a hobby that serves her family has a lot going for it. The girls will pick up on that enthusiasm, they’ll be part of the crew that tends that garden or helps with the horses or will have their chores to do with the birds. Builds responsibility.
Couple of acres, you could maybe enjoy the outdoors a bit. Grill some brats, serve them on the picnic table, play some catch afterwords with a softball… Heck, plant your apple trees at the proper locations and you’ve a game of kitten ball waiting to happen, the trees as bases.
You’ve seen the kids coming into the fleet for 20 years. You’ve seen what responsibility at home builds by way of character and work ethic.
Having a few acres you can cultivate towards your own purposes makes that a lot easier. The training for responsibility thing, I mean.
Land. They’re not making more of it. If you’re near a city it’s a pretty good bet you’ll find it goes up in value for development later, but best of all until you decide to sell it’s yours. To do with as you please. To just enjoy. And when you decide to retire, the sale price might be kind of nice. Or live out your dotage there and let the kids split it up afterwords. Not a bad bit to bequeath.
And money? Makes it a lot easier for the parents to spend time with the kids, and each other, if they’re not worried about the finances.
But you knew that already.
You know your decision already, don’t you? You’re just trying to convince the troops.
– Max
Uncle Fester, I’ve ridden a motorcycle across the contiguous 48. Each have very good roads, the Lincoln Highway of US 30 through Iowa and the desolation of US 50 through Nevada being two of the most memorable.
Didn’t find much in Texas that was really memorable, though I recall they were fine roads. Just not, you know, exciting.
Lex’s moving to Texas places him closer to The Dragon. US129, Deal’s Gap, North Carolina.
And that’s a reason in itself for him to move.
He’s going to need those new leathers.
318 turns in 11 miles? A man could get addicted to such sport.
– Max
Pack up the All-Girl Shopping Team and bring them to Texas. It’s paradise on earth. (there will be a net gain for you, but it will take a whole year to examine the spreadsheet).
Maybe I’m the odd one out here. Or maybe I’m just a cold, heartless parent. But here’s my $0.02.
You’re the adult. She’s the child. And, while it is wonderful that you are taking her desires into consideration in all of this, your ultimate responsibility is to do what’s best for your entire family, not just her. And I know you know this so I’m preaching to the choir.
She’s a smart girl (and I assume this because she’s your daughter) so sit her down and explain the situation to her. Ask her what she thinks of doing without a cell phone, an iPod, riding lessons, and a car in a year or so when she gets her permit. I’m sure the drama over losing those things will come close to the drama over moving to Texas.
I can’t say it any better than Army Girl said it. Children – even 14 year olds – are resilient. And she’s a Navy brat to boot. She’ll be fine.
Go to Texas and check out the job.
Max,
Texas may be closer to the Dragon than Cali, but it’s still a ways off. Of course the ride from Texas to the wonderful confluence of Georgia, Tennessee and the Carolinas would be quite the trip. Just remember to whack the throttle open when passing Bill Elliot’s place in Dawsonville.
*Yes, there is a dragon sticker on my Shoei.
Not to go old skool on you, but my sister did each year of her high school in a different locale, different school–three different bases, but when Dad had a chance to jump into better housing to match his rank, he took it, so that split her junior and senior years to two schools in the same city. I did four schools through fifth grade.
We got over it.
Guinness for strength Lex – you’ll need it no matter what decision you make. Which I know will be for the best for your family -drama or none.
Keeping you in my thoughts. Not an easy time for you.
Lex,
Did 1/2 of 9th grade in NY, other half 10th and 11th in Germany and senior year in Texas. Was a great education and would not have changed a day of it. Agree with most here, take them with you for a visit. You will be able to afford a much larger house with land for horses in Texas for what you are paying in CA.
I was a bit flippant before. This press release from the Governor’s office may interest you.
http://governor.state.tx.us/news/press-release/11571/
First, saying you are contemplating a move to Texas is like saying you are contemplating a move to France, i.e., a major sovereign land. Where in Texas? El Paso? Beaumont? All the diff in the universe.
Second, you knew the answer before asking. It is always “no” on first asking for bold plans. The key is the second and third asking, as you chip away at preconceptions.
Best of luck!
Lex – certainly some really good advice brought forth. Guiness for strength, make extra hugs available, and go(!) see about things in TX.
Can be tough times, but once the corner is turned it will get better.
Best of luck.
Lex — the fear of the unknown is sometimes paralyzing. Once you decide the job is right, then you have to reduce that fear of the unknown. There are areas in commuting distance of the GD plant that are fantastic — NE Tarrant County, just west of the airport. Grapevine, Southlake, etc. Some of the best schools in the state, excellent shopping, even enough acreage to have a horse (around Argyle). The plus is, that those areas see a constanst turnover of upper middle class re-los, every year. There are enough new kids that rapid acceptance is the norm.
Probably a 40 minute drive to GD, in little traffic. Coming from Cali, you will be amazed at how much house you can get. (full disclosure — oldest child is a RE agent in Southlake.) That $600K 3,500 sq. ft. 4-5 BR in San Marcos, will be $200K less in the best neighborhoods in NE Tarrant. Throw in no state income tax…..
I would not presume to speak on an issue so intensely personal as whether or not to relocate from San Diego (my favorite city in California) to DFW (where I have lived just about all my life). I will add one small note to the conversation: we all apparently have such a high opinion of Lex, we just assume he will get the job! I was thinking about how much house he could get in Wise or Parker County, when I thought, well…..he does still have to interview! So it does all seem a bit, premature, like.
Good luck, Lex, and if I could offer any advice, it would be to pray for discernment.
Captain, a lot has been said above. If I remember rightly the Kat is a High School Freshman? Not the best time to move but doable if the other side of the balance sheet makes it worth it.
The one who hasn’t been mentioned is the Biscuit. About Junior of Senior now isn’t she? Bad time for a kid to have to move. Still doable, but more difficult.
My older two are out of school and I’m down to one High School Sophomore who will get to stay right where he is, if people keep buying Locomotives. 2 1/2 years is a long time though.
One more thing… Texas is WAAAY closer than Cali!
HELLO!
Check out: http://www.teskeys.com/
The web site is nothing special, but the store is just great. People come from a long way away- they have everything for any horseman, horse or horse-place.
Mike Teskey is a super gentleman, and Patty Eaton runs the English section. She is a great ol’ gal with the right mix of English riding and post adulthood exposure to Western heresies, and a down east accent that you can’t find anywhere else west of DFW.
Capt Lex,
Bite the Bullet, hitch up the wagon to the Hornet, and fly…. I said fly,….. your butt on out to GOD’s Country.
The Kat will love it here. And so will you and the Missus. If you need other info anywhere in my state, ask.
After that, my pool, mint juleps, and whiskey are available only for the askin’.
And I’m a damn good judge of horseflesh too.
Since I’m so sure you’ll be practically neighbors after this trip, make sure to keep me address and come on out to the ranch for some real hunting, sir. (Goliad County, look it up.)
Can’t wait to show the place to you and yours. …… Watcha waitin’ on? Put the spurs to it.
Subsunk
Come on over Lex, the hill country has some great motorcycle roads! Check out http://www.twtex.com/ (Two wheeled Texans). I can point you to some brew pubs if needed also…..
Gee. It seems like you just retired and were happy there…I can’t take all this Change lately! Must be nice to brainstorm with your public.
House wise it’s ghotta be a bad time to sell but a good time to buy..Carmel Valley? I don’t get it.
Most of the folks I know went there, went there kicking. Except Ensigns who got jets in B-ville or K-ville! Some have grown to stay and love it. Others came back. They’ve created communities there that look just like Carmel Valley- I’ve seen ‘em- houses nuts to butts and others where you can by a horse property or a ranchette. The state is politcally red when you stay away from that though..If that’s what’s important to ya. Waco & Greenville areas are pretty rural..
TX fer the long haul? Having known Texicans a long time who actually come from there is that overall, Texas is for Texans. You gotta want to be a Texan- it ain’t automatic. All that said, I can say that if’n you get in with the right Texicans like I did with my buds from the Amarillo area, you can get into fabulous quail hunting and other varieties o’big game..but only if you know the right folks. Texas ain’t like other states for hunting or fishing for that matter. The whole dam state is private! You need access. Texans and ownership of the land is different than other parts of the country.
Basically giving up SOCAL means you’re giving up what VDH penned about the Golden State in a later entry you linked to, T-shirts and shorts at New Years, surfing, fresh avocados, earthquakes and SOCAL fires.
What you get in TX beyond the redness and real gun rights is big ol thunderstorms, some tornadoes and monsoon rains that go on for weeks. Not too cold but you get some snow and some cold winds in the winter unless you’re in the ‘handle which is as cold as Canada! All the other times the winds blows and stuff dries out and turns brown! Stay away from Odessa-Midland- coastal folks can’t hack it there! GW grew up there. That’s why he is what he is, thankfully.
Me? I admire Texas and Texans and love to visit but I don’t think I’d want to live there. If I gotta be land-locked I want the big mountains myself..(Before you Texicans edumacate me for that statement, I know all about the dang Big Bend area and them mountains Texas has)
b2
Homefront 6′s advice is right on target.
We all admire your judgment and know you will make a wise decision. Hope the prospective employer does as well.
Downside? You may get the job, make the move, and then the economy sucketh some more and you get laid off? Well, your monthly stipend from a gratful nation will allow you to survive in far more genteel poverty in TX than in nearly bankrupt Kalifornia where likely tax increases will be killing jobs and looting the pensioners who linger there.
Good luck, and as the skipper of your family you get to make the decision, bear the consequences, and shoulder all responsibilities, good or bad.
Even if very unhappy (although that is unlikely once reality sets in) Kat would only have to be stuck in the wild wild west for a couple of years before fleeing the nest.
Lex,
Get out of Kalifornia and get to a “Free State” like Texas. I like Texas! Texans know something about freedom that people in Kali never will (but you probably already know that).
Like others have said, kids are resilient.
Max, I’ll agree that nothing can compare with the Dragon but we’ll take the Skipper on the El Camino Del Rio between Terlingua and Presidio and he’ll think he did 10 Dragons…
Ray, the Hill Country is where it’s at for riding, nothing like the Three Sisters to wake a man up in the morning.
And Skipper, if you feel the need to snipe some deer, we’ll take you out to The Farm and put you up in a blind in the bottom forty. Just don’t plug one of the cows…
Just play her that old Eagles song: “New Kid In Town”. That’ll do the trick right well.
Lex, You made the first and most important step into civilian life a short while ago and this just might be the second. It should be easier this time… as a hired gun in civilian life you go where the money is and home can be anywhere as long as your family is with you… and again… you’re not an indentured survant. Best
PS, Re re-locating to Texas…a pearl of wisdom recalled from the way back uttered by that son of the Lone Star State , Jimmy Dean ( he of pure pork sausage fame) …” Texas is the only place in the world where you can be standing in mud up to your a** and still have dust blowing in your face”
TX: mile after mile of nothing but mile after mile.