When I was a lieutenant on my first cruise, the ship was heading into the Philippine Islands, a place that I had reliably been informed was something of an adult “wonderland.” For, you know, single folks. And that.
The wags at medical had set out three boxes of preventative measures, each labeled small, medium or large in marker pens. Themselves taking great pleasure, no doubt, at those who lingered between sizes. Wondering.
Because they were only issued in the one size. And those who chose otherwise were either entertaining certain delusions of grandeur, or else making a kind of tacit admission against interest.
Turns out that there may be something in it after all:
A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.
More protein, I think.
In the diet, you know.
I seem to recall this being a psi-op tactic going back to at least World War 2, and possibly further. Drop or leave some supplies where they can be taken by the enemy. In one box have radiator hoses for a ’74 Vega, or perhaps pickup tire inner tubes. Label the box as “Condom, small.”
Which, if one stops to think about it, one would never try this. First, it might just infuriate the enemy to keep these large hunks of American beef away from their women (hey! I can *dream!*), and second during wartime we’ve far better uses for latex and rubber than playing jokes on the enemy. Latex and rubber for keeping our soldiers healthier comes imediately to mind, then such secondary uses as tires, radiator hoses to support a mechanized army, etc…
So, in my humble estimation, it probably never happened in a war. Still a fun story though.
On the international sizes thing, I have to admit a bit of morbid interest. Are we talking about SAE standards, Imperial standards, or metric?
– Max
Whitworth.
Because of consistency?
Max, this is from The Wit & Wisdom of Winston Churchill by James C. Humes:
The story is told that after the British landing defeat in Norway in March 1940, a proposal was made to the First Lord of the Admiralty that sheaths should be provided to all the Royal Marines to protect the ten-and-a-half-inch barrel of their rifles from sweating and then freezing in the Artic temperatures.
A pharmaceutical company known for manufacturing condoms was asked to provide a test model. In the meantime, Churchill had become prime minister.
In his office, Churchill looked at the box, delivered from the pharmaceutical company that lay before him.
“Won’t do,” he muttered. Then he drew one of the cartons out of the box.
He shook his head. “Won’t do.” Then he opened one of the cartons to extract a packed. “It won’t do,” was again his pronouncement.
“What do you mean?” remonstrated an aide. “It will sheath the ten-and-a-half-inch barrel.”
“There’s no labeling,” replied Churchill.
“Labeling?” said the confused aide.
“I want a label for every box, every carton, every packet, saying, ‘British–Size Medium.’ That will show the Nazis, if they ever recover one of them, who’s the master race!”
There just might be some truth in your story after all. Boss.
Genetics. Period. Too bad for you when you come up short in that gene pool.
Perhaps if they ate cows instead of worshiping them…
I seem to recall finding out in my youth that there was another reason to forbear from purchasing such supplies made in Japan besides wanting to support domestic industry.
I once stumbled upon the MIL-SPEC for these items – yes your federal government buys these in huge numbers (the U.S. State Department in particular). I read it, all 26 pages and it was an interesting read. The FED can buy them in 6 different colors, Lube and non-Lube as well as with and with-out the reservoir tip. Yeah, I know TMI.
Other interesting stuff – the list of documents referenced included one from the “Motor Fright Transportation Association” which was appropriate because in my neck of the woods the only place you could buy these were in the men’s rooms at the local truck stop on Rte-66. Also, they had a couple of interesting statements in the document, can you imagine the “IPT” that was assembled to author the document, all with a straight face. My two favorite quotes: “the condom shall contain no embedded grit” and “under normal use the condom shall not liberate toxic substances”. Like I said, try writing this spec without laughing out loud!!!
BT: Jimmy T sends.
JimmyT/
After reading your post the phrase “the military mind” comes to mind. My Father, a WWII Army vet used to say (I’ve told it here before, but bears repeating in the face of examples such as this) that: “Son, if you want to accomplish any task in life there are only three ways to do it: There’s the right way, there’s the wrong way, and then there’s the Army way!” LOL!
VX,
Speaking of which, I remember from boot camp in the now closed NTC in San Diego the instructions for folding the dress shirt for the service dress blues. Our CC, standing at the centerboard and repeating the same prase except insert “Navy” way.
Step 1 – lay the shirt out in front of you with the buttons side facing UP.
Step 2 – fold the right sleeve and right half of the shirt accross the body of the shirt exactly in half, using the pocket as your gude.
Step 3 – Remove the hanger!!!
BT: Jimmy T sends
26 pages? Probably explains why my uncle pays $6 a piece for something I could get at that truckstop for $0.25….if I was so inclined. (or maybe yet one more way to hide a budget in someone else’s project. heh.)
JoeC,
I have found from many years of military systems development that the cost comes from the testing, not the actual specification. The infamous Hammer that costs thousands of dollars to procure comes from a 1 page technical specification but there are 6 pages of test requirements, you know to prove that you have a hammer (claw type, wooden handle, 3/4 size, flat iron type).
In the case of the condoms, of the 26 pages in the basic specification, 15 of them are devoted to testing the things. And being a cynic in such matters there is a minimal amount of failure that is acceptable per gross. So, what ever you do, spend the extra money and buy them from the private sector!!!
BT: Jimmy T sends.
And yet, not to defend, the population of India is set at 1,027,015,247 as of 1 March, 2001.
Growing to 1,129,866,154 by July 2007. (read that first number as one billion) A full 17% of the earth’s population!!
Wow…. with a growth rate of about 20% over a ten year period. However, literacy rates are extremely low… so, you know, printing “SMALL” on the package may not have any insulting impact.
Just saying.
He said they were small, he didn’t say they were broken!
(H/T) Richard Pryor
An accurate calibriation is a must…especially if one has skin in the game. Best
My husband was on a photo safari last year with several other people. One of them, an older guy, made a few slighting remarks about one of my husband’s larger close-up lenses. After the second or third nasty remark, my husband looked up and said gently, “Size matters.”
Marianne
Marianne/
That reminds me of the story Churchill told of going to the “lew” in Parliament one day during his Tory days and being joined by a “Labour” MP who, while they both were standing there “relieving themselves” Churchill, noticing the Labor MP glancing over, said: “Just like Labour, every time you see something big you’re envious. Next you’ll want to nationalize it!” LOL!
Wit & Wisdom of WC tells something similar. Clement Attlee is standing at a urinal and WC walks in and goes all the way to the other end of the row of urinals. When Attlee remarks that despite their disagreement on politics, WC needn’t be so disagreeable in the gents room. WC’s response: “Clement, the trouble with you Socialists is that whenever you see anything in robust and sturdy condition you want the government to regulate it.”
My favorite WC quote is the one to Bessie Braddock, a corpulant Labourite from Liverpool. One night in the House of Commons, after WC had a few drinks, Bessie upbraded him with “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more, you are disgustingley drunk.” To which WC replied: “And might I say , Mrs. Braddock, you are ugly, and what’s more, disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow,” Churchill added, “I shall be sober.”
virgil … Well, you certainly made me laugh. Churchill had a wicked sense of humor. And so do you, my friend ….
Marianne
Virgil-
Loo.
Sim/
Right you are–and I spent three years stationed in the UK! Must have been thinking of Sir Lew Grade, the Br. movie mogul–either that or a “senior moment”of early alzheimers onset…
Speaking of funny: T-38 Nails F-22?
D*mn! Yah beat me tuit. I shoulda read the posts before I sent the link to Lex. Ahh well, good catch and that video is almost like a golden B-B. Try enough times and even the B-B will catch your super jet off guard.
A couple of folks have sent me that vid. That’s not what air combat looks like, and it’s almost certainly some kind of canned drill, like a “heat-to-guns” exercise. And in any case, I’m estimating range at better than 3000 feet, which is more than a little bit long for a gun shot.
In the halcyon days of my youth, that box outside of sick bay was labeled ‘Male Sporting Equipment’.