Got this through the email pipe. Some of the regulars may take heart:
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the
whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit
until you’re at least 35.For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, ‘I’m tired
and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b….If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head..
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists.. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old
farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.***How about recruiting Women over 50 …with PMS !!!
You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!If nothing else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It’s purposely in big type so they can read it.
I think he may be on to something…
Get off my lawn, you damn kids!!!
I love it. Behind the somewhat tongue in cheek comparisons lies some real wisdom.
Especially the part about being up early in the morning, and being used to being screamed at
Lower it to 50.
I’m in
56 and I’m there. Got most of the necessary equipment, so would save the taxpayers some money to boot. I would hope they’d issue me some grenades, and maybe a couple of LAWs. I’d scrounge the rest.
I have some years on most of you young cubs around here and except for that “thinking about sex (only) a couple of times a day”, statement…pure horse sh*t…I’ll eat my pistol when that day comes… that Gomer does make some excellent points and got me to thinking…
Sweet Jesus…old farts with guns and little to loose…consider it …one more/last operation in Indian country…tiger stripes, flop hat, a sh*t-load of ammo,indig rats,five canteens of water, my beloved Car-15 …and of course those other absolute necessities that we’ve all come to rely on… blood pressure meds, boot orthotics, Advil Pm, low dose aspirin, Ben-Gay, Preparation H, sun block, croakies for your specs… and most importantly…a bottle or two or three of your favorite wiskey…a fearsom sight indeed…include me in. Best
46 and on a draw against future (?) commissions. I owe the company money! Give me something useful to do – I already have the weapons so that’ll save some budget money. I would ask that ammo be provided… lots of ammo! Oh, and don’t give Rick all the grenades, I’d like a few. An added benefit – I’m sure the 20 extra lbs that have mysteriously appeared on my frame over the last few would just melt away!
When I finally stopped laughing and cheering [which was about 15 minutes after I stopped reading this screed] I decided that this guy is my soul-mate. And there is some real wisdom scattered among the one-liners. One of the reasons old folks get cranky is that we have had to realize, reluctantly, that we have to ration our responses. Energy to do everything, often, is just not there. Which means that our decider gene is in constant play. What can we do at any moment, and is it a good idea. That’s called good judgment.
With you tough guys, no matter what your age, it makes you truly formidable. You don’t have to learn on the job. You already know all the important things you need to know. And if your back hurts, your knees hurt, you’re tired and cranky, that makes you a perfect soldier for today’s wars — a pissed off old fart who subscribes to the old Texas axiom “he needed killin’.”
If worse comes to worst, I want you defending me.
Marianne — who is a pissed off old fartess. Sometimes.
Hey,
I’m 54. All I need is 24 hours to do some laundry, line up someone to take care of the kid, and I’m there.
In all seriousness, I’m there. Just say when and where. I can run an M-60 door gun, or whatever you need. Please.
You can’t imagine how much frustration this could burn off.
I love you guys.
Btw, I have a 60-something friend who has been in Iraq training Iraqi pilots as a contractor for the last year. Hmmm…
Didn’t the Nazis make some units like these (in addition to the Hitler youth) when they started running out of younger cannon fodder? How’d those old farts fare?
I’m 46 with 21 years active duty. Maybe I need to rethink that retirement stuff…it seems I’m just hitting my prime!
The amphibs and other troop transports (sea, land, and air) already have ramps, right?
Forget the over 50 women with PMS and get a troop of women in menopause still having danged ol’ HOT FLASHES! I could easily kill just about anyone who looks at me when I’m burnin’ up and not a one of ‘em could outrun me. We wouldn’t need a lot of weapons, hand-to-hand should do it easily so send us in for the close work.
Ramps and hot flashes. Too funny! Somebody come up with a name for this band of brothers and sisters. We gotta have a name worthy of the hell we will unleash!
Steve,
How’s about:
“1st Battalion, AARP” (the “Meals on Wheels Brigade”)
“Sun Sweet Prune Division” (Regulars, by God!)
LOL!
Mizz Birdlegs, that’s the damn truth. Lord knows there’s been more than once I was looking for all the knives to make sure they were safely put away!
This old fart knows way more about the dreaded menopause than he ever wanted to know!
Hell, yes. My wife says she’ll go…she’s pissed off at having to listen to Obama, and she wants to take it out on a raghead. All she asks for is a Barrett 50 cal and somewhere to get her nails done once a week.
Seems like a reasonable trade…
I’m 50, and there are 100 guys I know that would supply our own weapons and kick a little ass over there. Just let us have a few beers at night.
Just turned the big 6-oh. Count me in, would just love to be back behind a minigun (even though the knees would complain). Been a long time since Viet Nam and the 20th but always ready to kill some bad guys:
Any Time Any Place
I’ll be sixty soon, and yup, I’m right sore, and cranky, and grumpy. Sign me up.