Subject: The U.S. Navy answers the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Naval Education and Training Command (NAVEDTRA): The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.
Bureau of Naval Personnel (BUPERS): Due to the needs of the Navy, chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be 3-year unaccompanied tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.
Naval Air Warfare Center (NAWC): This event will need confirmation; we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and weather conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within the parameters specified for chickens and the remote possibility that they might cross thruways designated by some as “roads.”
Commander-in-Chief, U.S. Naval Forces, Europe (CINCUSNAVEUR): The purpose is not important. What is important is that the chicken remained under the OPCON of COMSIXTHFLEET and did not CHOP to the theater on the other side of the road. Without Chopping, the chicken was able to achieve a seamless road-crossing with near perfect, real-time in-transit visibility.
Naval Intelligence: What chicken?
Naval Air Systems Command (NAVAIRSYSCOM): The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.
Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command (SPAWARSYSCOM): The “stovepipe” chickens of today will be replaced with a multi-function, supported, affordable, integrated and interoperable world-class chicken to warriors and supporting elements, enabling them to dominate the roads of today and tomorrow, as we move “Forward…From the Sea.” Comptroller holds and corporate taxes, however, will require delay fielding for two years, unless Congressional plus-ups are approved.
NAVSEASYSCOM’s Chicken Systems Program Office (PMS400CSPO): In a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. The CSPO helped the chicken change to continue meeting its mission. However, the actual crossing of the road has not occurred due to the number of action items still open from the meeting.
Lex/
Too Funny.Also all too real–as we all know. I once had, but lost/misplaced w. Katrina a little similar bit comparing the Navy, Army, and USAF differing corporate approaches to the toilet-paper acquisition process written in the form of each service’s justification to Congress, and written in a similar vein. Service bureaucracies make easy targets indeed.
I didn’t know there was any difference. With all the computer networks, Internet, E-mail, Blackberrys, etc., the only paperless office is still the head.
Navy Diversity Command: NavDivCom is committed to ensuring that US Navy Chickens represent a cross-cultural view of the Poultry Nation. To that end, Chicken Recruiters are encouraged to extend their recruitment efforts to all sections of the Chicken community to encompass all species from Ameraucana to Yokohama in order to further the Diversity Enterprise.
AW1Tim/
But will the “Rhode Island Red” strain be considered too “subversive?”
Not under this administration…
NAVSPECWARCOM: mmmm, chicken dinner.
Isn’t this part of the Chicken Systems Heuristic Information Training program?
Chicken-A1 has been replaced with upgraded Chicken-A2. In accordance with policy, all remaining serviceable Chicken-A1s in inventory have been reassigned to deployed Marine Corps units for use in future road crossings.
Trust Lex to come up with a cock-a-mamie opportunity for hizoner’s readership to go off half-cocked. (see previous post). Good thing we all work for chicken-feed.
Deep yawn…followed by eyes involuntarily glazing over … take heed…terminal ennui setting in…must indeed be a slow day in Paradise…Best
I always thought that it was to show the armadillo that it could be done….
Additionally, solo chickens must present safety observer with current FY road-crossing course certificate prior to crossing road.
Air Force: A remotly piloted chicken (RPC) was sent across a road in Afghanistan. The robot chicken was controlled by a real chicken in Las Vegas. Following this successful test RPCs maybe deployed to Iraq and Pakistan. This test should not be taken as a threat to reduce the number of real chickens in the USAF.
Damn, I felt that one!
VQ Squadron: Chicken? What chicken? You didn’t see any chickens. Any chickens you saw were not our chickens, because obviously our chickens don’t exist. And were never here. Ever. Don’t make us call someone.
Naval Air Reserve Squadron: Because if the chicken didn’t cross the road he’d only get one drill for the day, and that would be totally UNSAT. By crossing the road he gets two drills. And he’ll do it again tomorrow, too. Because he can. Chicken life can be good when you get to cross the road. A lot.
VR,
Comjam
Creech AFB, Nev. to: Jim Collins.
“Nobody here but Us (USAF-issue) Chickens!” Over.
Hey VX!
I hears Dat!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KUrjTcCioY
Will anyone ask why the Politician crossed the road?
Okay, I’ll bite. Too chicken?
Or maybe TWO chicken? One is none…
CAPT Lex, what about the Navy Blogger’s answer to the question?
“Can you believe it? Now the Navy has let a chicken cross a road. A chicken! You could have seen this coming. I predicted that chicken was going to cross that road months ago (insert link to previous post). What’s next, turkeys? The Navy’s approach to anti chicken transit warfare is totally broken. Something needs to be done.”
Present company excluded, of course. I’m only referring to those other bloggers.
Can’t wait to see the PAO answer
V/r, cb
cb, ecce: As a demonstration of the inherent coalition-based power of the 1000 chicken Navy, joint and multi-national liaison officers looked on with pride as CNO cut the tape on the first-ever Navy/Marine Corps chicken crossing the road, forward… from the sea. This road crossing was was intended to show the flexible, persistent capability of naval chickens to operate across the complete spectrum of naval road crossing operations from humanitarian road crossing, to stabilizing presence road crossings to kinetic crossing. MCPON was on-hand to witness the road crossing, and spoke with forward deployed chickens about the challenges and rewards of road crossing duty.
“It was a great Navy day,” CNO said with photographers busily snapping pictures of MCPON at his side. “But we’re not going to be satisfied until we have diversity in road crossing. I want a chicken crossing that is open to new ideas and viewpoints, a Navy where every chicken feels like a valued team member regardless of whether he or she is an Ameraucana, Andulusian, Araucana, or Australorp. Brahmas and Orptingtons too. I won’t be satisfied until I see a chicken coop that looks like America.
The Department of the Navy regrets to inform you that the 1,000 chicken Navy had a mishap in the vicinity of I-10 (for security reasons we are unable to say precisely where), and is now a 999 chicken Navy.
A Navy Special Warfare team is currently at the site, extracting… well, cleaning it up.
Naval Reactors (officer version): We will select the top 15% of chickens and place them in an intense 18 month traing pipeline where they will learn road identification, traffic laws, asphalt composition, and hydrocarbon chemistry. A package will be written up and approved by the RO, CO, NAVSEA 08, CNO, God, and your Mother. The package will enclude sufficient OQE, kept for the life of the road, to document proper road crossing. The chicken will be required to come in the day before the road crossing to attend training, emphasising the importance of Point-Read-Operate method in road crossing, prior to the pre-breif which will be followed by the observed brief. NRRO representatives will be on hand to ensure procedural compliance. After the road crossing there will be a critique to
assign blamedetermine root causes and lessons learned from the crack in the road.Naval Reactors (Blueshirt version): Any Khaki around? If yes hunt for grubs until they get bored and leave. If no cross the damn road and make the paperwork look right.
You’re an RC twidget, aren’t you …
Respect for our host prevents me from giving the traditional reply to that insult, suffice it to say I’m an RM mechanic.
I’ll accept your apology in the form of beer. Opaque beer.
Got that d*mned right!I guess as one rises through the ranks they become more procedure oriented and forget that there is real work to be done. (and as others have so facetiously pointed out, more concerned with good order, discipline, ‘i’s dotted’, ‘t’s’ crossed, forms completed by hand to ensure three originals, shirts buttoned, shoes polished, brass shined, no sagging socks, because ordered sailors are happy sailors and we want the C.O. to see happy sailors, don’t we crew?)
Must be the case with me! I now work for (big nanny) company that has things like this:
(and if you believe that part about “..NO individual names..” I have this bridge…..)
This communication introduces the Office Behavior Observation Tool (OBOT), part of the OIMS for Office Personnel (OFOP) program being implemented at for all personnel at this site.
What is OBOT?
The Office Behavior Observation Tool (OBOT) is a process whereby a team periodically walks the site to observe and document safe and unsafe behaviors. Observation areas and topics include behaviors, housekeeping, fire safety, electrical safety, office equipment, security, and locations such as pantries, stairways, and elevators. The purpose of OBOT is to identify behavior trends or hazards. Communications to personnel will occur after the observation session to detail what we are doing well (to reinforce these behaviors), as well as to identify those areas where we can improve. Because we are looking for trends, NO individual names will be captured during the OBOT process.
VX, this is where we call on the help of “Chicken Man” for this world wide web of eeeeeeeeval wrongdoers (maligning chickens for heaven’s sake).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chickenman_(radio_series)
Spaz/
Yes, but remember, he fights crime and/or evil only on weekends, so he’s no help to us tonight…..
VX, Sigh. So he is only the weak end warrior. Feets don’t fail me now.
hey, whats wrong with the weekend crew?
All this chickenshi% and nary a peep about the navy accepting the first F-35 whatchamacallit from LockMart this week. Unlike a road-crossing chicken this thing supposedly has a tail hook which means that it can be dragged across the road if push comes to shove.
Navy Acquisition: Due to budget rallocation to support LCS, and labor disputes in the shipyard, the Acquisition Progam Baseline has been adjusted and the Acquisition Strategy has been realigned to reflect evolutionary acquisition. In the first increment a fuzzy chick will cross a footpath. Full-sized chickens crossing roads have been deferred to the second (unfunded) increment.
In related news, a Nunn-McCurdy review was initiated this week when the Fuzzy Chick/Footpath (FCF) program went over budget by 75 percent.
Please don’t take this personally… but you gomers are all flippen nuts…good weekend all. Best
I gotta agree with SE. Luv ya guys, though.
I’m still laughing too hard at the ‘logic’…
Happy Fry-day, y’all!
Hey, as long as we can laugh at ourselves, ain’t that summpin?????