Oddly enough, during my youth it was always told that rock salt in a shotgun shell was the preferred charge against trespassers. Never mind that it would require the property owner to have a reloading press for shotgun shells, which aren’t exactly commonplace, and also shotguns aren’t much useful beyond about 75 feet or so, the shot slowing so quickly in the atmosphere.

Sure enough, the one time stealing apples seemed like the thing to do at the time, we being bored and inebriated and just look at that orchard full of unpicked Johnathans and surely he won’t mind if we liberate a few from the bottom branches, I was hit with rock salt while lugging a crate towards the get-away car.

Wasn’t as bad as I thought. Soaking in a cool water bath dissolves the salt out of the wounds, and those apples? Sweetest apples I’ve ever eaten in a bathtub. Or elsewhere.

But I don’t think I’d try it again.

– Max