A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually grant three wishes, but since there are three of you, I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first!” says the Petty Officer Second Class. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next!” says the First Class. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next, Chief” says the Genie.
The Chief says, “I want those two back on the ship right after lunch.”
LOL, and he got out of paying for them!
Heh… Works for me.
An NCO without a sense of humor…who of thought…
…Thanks for the PM laugh. Best
Gotta send that one to the ADC son-in-law. I’m sure he’d agree with the choice
lmao!!!!!
Lex … Hee-hee-hee. So *that’s* how it works. Lovely joke, my friend. Have a happy Thanksgiving! And all the rest of your courteous and kindly commenters as well.
Marianne
P.S. Want to see the annual picture, too. MM
MM, I need your read on something that just happened…
…for no apparent reason I just got flipped off by a grey haired senior citizen type lady with a “Honk if you love Jesus” sticker on the bumper of her car…I’m flummoxed…was it me or was it her…Please Advise. Best
PS, HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL…and say one for the troops.
I had that happen when I was still in, oh, 36 years ago.
Snake, yes, it was.
Best.
One to pass along:
Senior Chief
There was a ragged, old, retired Battleship Gunners Mate Senior
Chief who shuffled into a waterfront bar. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his
hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window
and handed it to the bartender.
“I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.
The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old Squid,
but it had been quite awhile since he had a piano player and business was
falling off. So, the barkeep decided to give him a try.
The old Senior Chief staggered his way over to the piano while
several patrons snickered. But, by the time he was into the third bar of music,
every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music, unlike anyone had heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn’t a dry
eye in the place. The bartender took the old Senior Chief a beer and asked him
the name of the song he had just played. “It’s called, ‘Drop Your Skivvies, Baby,! We’re Gonna Rock Tonight’,” said the old Senior Chief after he took a long pull from the beer.
The bartender and the crowd winced, but the piano player went on with a
knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.
After he finished, the Senior Chief acknowledged the applause and
told the crowd the song was called, “Big Boobs Make My Anchor Chain Run Out.” He then excused himself as he lurched off to the head.
When the guy came out of the head, the bartender went over to him and said,
“Look senior Chief, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your
pecker is hanging out?”
“Know it?” the old Senior Chief replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”
Joe in N.Cal, Bravo…Bravo…Bravo… I’ve heard variations of this joke over the years…but yours is certaintly the best…of course your wacked out picture does kind of set the stage. Best
Whacked out picture??? Why, that is me at the height of sartorial splendor! Taken mid-July, 07, Duncans Mills, CA. In my guise as a dumb-ass Confederate gun sergeant. Here is a more recent one, from late April this year: http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff30/subdjoe/civil81.jpg
Lordy, I’m good lookin’!
Joe, I think you’ll fit in just fine in these here parts!
not sure why all these wimps think our hairy faces are “wacked out”? I once sold my moustache for $1700 in a Navy Relief drive in Roosy Roads.
Yeah, but you’re not quite as good looking as that pair of ladies in uniform. Between the uniform and the EGA, I’m gonna have to take them both home to make that decision. Vote me “Absent” for the rest of the weekend!
As a retired Senior Chief (albeit Aviation) I must say…
“I resemble that remark…”
Okay, those are hysterical…
This is off topic, since it isn’t a military story, but since the muse of fine literature is upon us….
There once was a retired musician, a player of the bagpipes. A deeply religious man, he devoted his spare time to playing at funerals for the poor and destitute, to give them a fitting sendoff into the next life. His playing of the pipes was masterful and much appreciated by the families.
One day he became lost on his way to an unfamiliar cemetary, and arrived a couple of hours late. He had apparently missed the ceremony as there were only two laborers at the cemetery, with a backhoe preparing to backfill. Approaching the men, the piper asked if he might play, that even though he was late he wanted to fulfill his duty. He played long and mightily and with great emotion, bringing tears to the eyes of his audience.
After leaving the graveside he heard one of the laborers remark “That was truly magnificent. I have never seen or heard of such a thing and I’ve been installing septic tanks for 30 years….
George V.
George, this is a true story of a gentle lady who writes to the local paper in Hampstead, UK complaining of the bagpipe player who practices his art in Hampstead Heath. “Would the kindly gentleman please confine his playing of the bagpipe to the designated area for music in the Heath.” A week later, there is a letter to the paper in wich the bagpipe player reminds the gentle lady that: ” I would remind the gentle lady that the bagpipe is not a musical instrument but an instrument of war and therefore I shall play it where I damn well please. You gotta love those Scots.
Reminds me of the guy who practiced his bagpipe playing under an old Banyan tree out by the back gate of NAS Barbers Pt back in the ’70s. He could be seen (and heard)most mornings. When I had the time, I would stop and listen. He seemed to appreciate the audience.
So an LCdr and an SCPO, nodding aquaintances in a command at a nearby NOB, end up in the same off-base barbershop. Sitting in adjacent seats, they end up getting their buzzcuts and shaves finished at just about the same time.
The LCdr’s barber, about to finish first, asks the LCdr if he would like a spritz of aftershave to finish the job. The LCdr glances over slyly at the SCPO and responds, “Heck no, I don’t want my wife to think I was spending my time inside of a french whorehouse.”
The SCPO’s barber finishes up 3 seconds later, and asks his customer the same question. The SCPO ponders for a moment, and responds, “I don’t see why not, since my wife’s never been in a french whorehouse…”
i like this one…
Snake, my sweet … If you got flipped off by a nasty old greyhaired old lady, she must have just lost her mind. Don’t despair … *nice* greyhaired old ladies, like me for instance, all love you and wish you Happy Thanksgiving. Be of good cheer. Christmas is near. Maybe you’ll get some delicious Christmas tottie in your stocking.
Marianne
MM, I must…nay I’m compelled to, in the spirit of the season, fess up and confess that I exercised a little poetic license in my comment to you above…the truth is that I fabricated the whole “flipped off…” incident…I suspect/think its proably not the first that has happend around here…but in fairness to me I saw a golden opportunity to work it in and I did…the truth is that this is actually a title of a twangy ole country song that goes…
…” I was just flipped off by a silver haired old lady with a Come to Jusus sticker on the bumper of her car ” as sung by…it gets better… Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours (proud Kelts all)…first herd it as bumper music on Click and Clack…almost drove off the road…can’t get the flippen tune out of my head…you got to love these guys. Best
A couple of sailors who were going to a Navy school in San Diego decided to go to Universal Studios in Los Angeles for the tour on the weekend. At the rest stop half way through the tour, they decided to have a drink in the bar at the rest area. As they sat there, dressed in full dress blues, sipping their beer, a young lady sat down next to them. After she ordered her drink she turned to them and asked, “Are you real sailors, or do you work for the studio?”
One sailor replied, “Well, we’ve spent our whole life at sea. Been on carriers, cruisers, destroyers, and frigates; traveled as far south as Tasmania, as far north as Alaska, and been all the way around the world several times. We’ve been in typhoons and hurricanes, and both had a PBR shot out from under us on the Mekong Delta, so, yea…I guess we are real sailors.”
After a short while he asked her what she was. She replied, “I’m an advertising accountant, but I come here to girl-watch because I’m a follower of Lesbos.”
The sailors looked at one another and shrugged. “What’s a Lesbos?”, one asked
“Well, I’m a lover of women”, she answered.. “I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, …everything seems to make me think of women. I work nearby and sometimes I want to see pretty girls so bad I come here and sit and watch them. Sometimes I get lucky and pick one up and spend a wild night with her. I’m just plain crazy about women”
A short while later she left and the sailors ordered another drink and talked about what had just happened. A couple sat down next to them and asked, “Are you a real sailors?”. After a few seconds, one of the sailors replied, “ Well, we always thought we were, but I think we just found out that we’re really lesbians.”
A challenge to the group, then. Most jokes are variants on a theme, so here’s a joke about truck drivers and I’m curious if there is a Naval equivalent, a Chief would be good.
Did ya hear about the truck driver who was busted for hauling 300lbs of dope?
Trooper pulled him over, he was overweight, they wanted to inspect the load. So they cut the seal on the trailer and opened the doors and a big ol’ J.B. Hunt driver fell right on out…
— Masx
I knew a guy who had bought a talking parrot for a pet, only to find out after he brought the bird home that it had the foulest mouth you ever heard. It would go around all the time saying “I want a damn cracker!”, and the negative reinforcement tactic of saying “NO” and removing the birdfeed wasn’t working. After a long day at work the guy had his minister over for dinner, and the parrot made the mistake of saying “Hey, Reverend! Gimme a damn cracker!” The guy lost it, grabbed the parrot by the legs, slapped it upside the head and threw it in the freezer.
The parrot got up, shook its head and turned around to see that it had landed on the Thanksgiving turkey, whereupon its eyes got as wide as they could get.
“Sweet Jesus and All the Saints! What the hell did you say, ‘Frak’?!?”
Happy Thanksgiving to all!