An up-through-the-ranks mustang lieutenant commander retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Nebraska. He invited an old Admiral friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The admiral was in awe of the mustang’s new bird dog, “Chief”. The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.
The old flag officer offered to buy the dog at any price. The mustang declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn’t possible part with him.
The next year, the same admiral returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find his mustang friend breaking in a new dog.
“What happened to Chief?” he asked.
“Had to shoot him,” the Mustang replied. “Another old shipmate came to hunt with me and couldn’t remember the dog’s name. He kept calling him ‘Master Chief.’
After that, all the dog would do was sit on his ass and bark.
Had I made one more grade, I guess I would have been doomed…
To add to the levity…
In a small town near Washington, DC, a barber opened his shop for business.
A young enlisted Marine comes in to get a “high and tight”. The barber asked the young Marine about his service, and a lot of small talk takes place. After the haircut is complete, the Marine opens his wallet and the barber said, “It’s on the house Marine. Thanks for your service to this great nation.”
The next morning as the barber goes to open his shop, there is a box on his doorstep. In the box was a note of thanks and a “SEMPER FI” bright red T-shirt.
That same morning a young Army G.I. comes in for a haircut. The same sort of story happens. They talk about the Army and other small talk. After the haircut is complete, the G.I. stands and reaches for his wallet.
The barber says, “No thanks, son. It’s on the house. Thank you for your service to our country.”
The next morning as the man is opening his barbershop, on the doorstep is a box with an Army ball cap and a thank you note.
That same day, a Master Chief comes in for a haircut. He is decked out in his full dress blues. The barber is impressed and again, the same things happen…small talk about the service. When the Master Chief goes to pay, again the barber says, “Not required, Master Chief, it’s on the house.
Thanks for your service to this great nation.”
The next morning, as the barber went to open his shop, there on his doorstep …were three more Master Chiefs!
Had to call the family ADC, I expect an anonymous hotmail/yahoo account will have these “Massa Cheese” stories for their inbox
That’s not how the joke goes…
In the Ozarks, there was a mountaineer that was reputed to have the best hunting dog ever, by the name of Co-pilot.
Three city folks went up in the mountains and wanted to rent him. “Good huntin’ dog, … gonna cost ya $50 a day.” They agreed, and three days later came back with the limit.
The next year they came back. “Co-pilot got better, gonna cost ya $75 a day.” Again they agreed, and 2 days later came back with the limit.
The third year they came back and told the mountaineer they had to have Co-pilot, even if it cost $100 a day.
“You can have that worthless mutt for $5 a day, and I’m overcharging you $4.”
“But I don’t understand, what happened to him?”
“Well, had me one of them Bug crews from one of those Air Stations come up and rent him. One of those idiots called him Pilot, and he has been sittin’ on his ass barkin’ ever since.”
I am sending these to my brother, a retired Chief, as was my father. Thanks
You’re a cruel master, Lex.
We used to say there’s nothing more dangerous or annoying than a Master Chief with half a job.
Yes…there is…a MCPO with a billet…and nothing of his own to do…
Wait a minute, I have a dog named Chief. Thanks for the warning.
My favorite… with all due repect sir!
One day, a Master Chief went to the Officer’s Club with his Captain to eat lunch. When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was quite crowded.
They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Captain asked them if they could join them. They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the Master Chief mentioned that he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned.
The Master Chief turned to the Lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience.
The Master Chief then told the Lieutenant on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The Lieutenant confirmed that this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The Master Chief said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.
The Lieutenant across the table from the Master Chief asked if he had determined his source of commission. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant had graduated from the United States Naval Academy. The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Naval Academy. The Master Chief replied that it was none of these that led to his determination.
He had simply observed the Lieutenant’s class ring while he was picking his nose.
It only looks like a ring. Actually it is designed to function like a drill stop.
OK, these just may get me banned here. But, what the heck.
Cannibals in the Navy…
Five cannibals were employed by the Navy as translators during one of the island campaigns of World War II. When the Commanding Admiral of the task force welcomed the cannibals he said, “You’re all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Sailors are eating. So please do not indulge yourselves by eating a Sailor.”
The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later, the Admiral returned and said, “You’re all working hard, and I’m very satisfied with every one of you. However, one of our Chief Petty Officers has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?”
The cannibals all shook their heads. After the Admiral left, the leader of the cannibals turned to the others and said, “Which of you idiots ate the Chief?” A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replied, “You idiot! For four weeks we’ve been eating Ensigns, Lieutenants, Lieutenant Commanders, Commanders, and even one Captain, and no one noticed a thing. And then YOU had to go and eat a Chief!”
Officer Insignia…
A young Ensign approached a crusty old Master Chief and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.
“Well,” replied the Master Chief, “the insignias for the Navy are steeped in history and tradition. As an Ensign, we give you a gold bar, representing that you are very valuable but also malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade also represents significant value, but is less malleable. Now, when you make Lieutenant, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over the common sailors, hence the eagle. And when you make Admiral, you are obviously a star. Does that answer your question?”
“Yes, Master Chief,” replied the young Ensign. “But what about Lieutenant Commanders and Commanders?”
“That, Sir, goes waaaay back in history – back to the Garden of Eden. You see, we’ve always covered our pricks with leaves.”
(and this one is the real kicker)
Q: How can you tell if there’s a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He’ll tell you.
Q: How can you tell when your date with a fighter pilot is half over?
A: He says, “But enough about me… Wanna hear about my plane?”
Q: What’s the difference between a jet engine and a fighter pilot?
A: A jet engine will stop whining when you shut the plane down.
Oh, yeah, Joe, I can hear the ban stick coming out of the closet
That’s funny stuff there, I don’t care who says so 
If we can’t laugh at ourselves, who are we – the White House?
That was the best joke of all, Lex, well done.
Ooooo…..is that a nice thing to say about our Capon-in-Chief?
Just for that, I’m gonna point a Master Chief at you.