A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.
The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.
This is a climactic issue, and the thrust of the problem here is that explosive overpopulation and underemployment are hard on growth. The temptation is to craft overarching policies that rectify the problem over a long span, but in my opinion it’s time to think small here.
One way to get atop these conjoined issues would be to erect a domestic industry that caters to the specific needs of Indian men. Given the diminutive nature of private capital on the subcontinent – not to mention the general flaccidity of the manufacturing sector - it will doubtless require government intrusion in the form of seed money for the private sector to ensure that the rubber meets the road as the people push towards a solution.
:shakes head and smiles:
Nice job Captain. :appl:
That’s rough.
I heard not too long ago that a condom company was going to make a product designed for 11 year-olds. How does that measure up as a solution?
As a woman, I find your solution strangely unsatisfying. Um, thanks for trying though. I guess.
I mean, if you’re going to make a small point, it’s best to be brief…
Only short on one end.
It appears they have a condom conundrum.
One word… Groan…
Tried to count the puns, but was laughing too hard.
use a pun – go to the jail. that is the law
Is that a standing committee that decided this or are they only up to the task of performing periodically?
It’s all about who decides how to manage the measurement, right Liz?
A solution for the unfortunates: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finger_cot
We used to call those Kitty Condoms.
back in the cold war, it was different. I heard once that the Soviets ordered a batch of condoms from the Trojan company and specified they should be 4 inches in diameter and 15 inches long. The company made them up that way then labeled them all “medium.”
That is “medium,” isn’t it? I mean, based on my limited sample of one.
I seem to recall you once telling me that the pun was the lowest form of humor…
At least when you go low, you go all the way.
That was somewhere between awful and hilarious. Bravo!
No. No no no no no. Bad. Stop it. Hell’s bells, now I’ll be smirking like a twelve-year-old for the rest of the day. It took decades to build this pretense of maturity and now you’ve gone and ruined everything.
Well I’m certainly walking a little taller….
Ugh! That one hit my like a ton of bricks after just waking up.
Dunno, Lex; your argument sounds kinda limp to me. Frankly, its a bit of a stretch, and your grasp of microeconomics seems quite elastic. Not that I want to minimize where you’re heading…
During the Cold War the Soviets ordered a large shipment of 12 inch condoms from a U.S. manufacturer. The government ok’d the order but had them marked “Size SMALL.”
Our man Casey, while stretching the truth somewhat, proves himself no shrinking violet at analyzing the hard facts firmly advanced by Lex in his penetrating analysis of the situation; all the while remaining highly sensitive to the tender feelings of the real-world, men-in-the-flesh population subjects of this concern—so Casey wins the thread!
Thanks, VX, but I consider it a small, insignificant honor that won’t last long.
It’s possible that someone may top this, and win by a head. One must be careful, as the entire thread could go to seed.
From the old days:
Yellow Sheet Gripe – “Relief tube too short” –
Signoff – “Checks good by enlisted standards…..”
Come, come here; it’s time everyone got a grip on the situation and recognized the future in their own hands…
Speaking of the Indians and thier imports, I heard one enterprising fellow in Bombay (now known as Mumbai) was asked what to do with 365 used condoms, he decided to make a tire out of them and call it a Goodyear.
(I decided to moderate myself).
And Granpa once again shows he’s the smartest of the bunch. Think I’ll follow his sterling example. I do have this to say: OUCH!!!
What what that, like a dodeca-entendre?
.. the thrust of the … explosive …are hard on growth…overarching…long…think small here.
…get atop…conjoined…erect…flaccidity…seed money…rubber…push…
I get nothing for “private capital”?
I’d expect this to be more of a factor in social capital rather than private capital.
Although given the depreciation, it would seem a few investors sold short.
Sadly sir that one flew under the radar compared to your more overt actions in that campaign. Touche!
Redickuless.
Are we sure this hasn’t been blown out of proportion?
suffice to say that the Indian Female population has been left “unsatisfied” by the results of the study…..something they are likely used to at this point.
When surveyed, women on the subcontinent suggested that a larger, more plastic approach be taken, as part of a battery of solutions.
Or perhaps an oral exchange with a cunning linguist.
I’ll allow oral arguments, since there’s at least the potential for those to reduce the birthrate.
Sometimes it’s good to think outside the box.
…or around the box, as it were.
Phew, good thing that the men of India do not receive their shoes from a source that provides only a size based on international standard, else they’d all be walking around in clown shoes!
Good point Bou. LOL
I like it.
[...] many puns I lost count. Lex would give GSM a run for his [...]
It takes a big man to own up to his shortcomings. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
If you’ll all pardon me for being serious here, India is the second-most populous country with some 1.3 Billion of an estimated 6.3 billion people in the world. In other words, there’s nearly 20% market share in condom manufacturing sitting there, waiting for a reliable product, and Trojan is spending money advertising in America where only 300 Million people live?
300 Million, 90% of them so shagged out from work making up for the 10% sitting at home too depressed from being out of work to have sex that nobody here wants to Get Any. Versus the 1.3 *Billion* Indians, who by all evidence are not afraid to make the sign of the double-backed Bengal Tiger and still think it worth using the product in spite of a considerable 20% failure rate.
Who’s in charge of product development and market research at Trojan and why in the hell do they still have a job?
This study used, what, 1000 people? Let’s say I wanted to know how a 1.3 Billion person market measured up. I’d look at average wages ($3100/year) and think offering a guy 1% of his annual income to have his courting tackle handled might get me a thousand people easily. So that’s $3100 bucks. (Personally, I’d make them pay $1 for the opportunity and I bet I get 1000 takers in a land of 1.3 Billion, but I’m sort of opportunistic.)
1000 people at an average time of, say, five minutes to go from test subject to grateful participant is 5000 minutes, divide by an 8-hour day of 696 minutes, and I need to hire the professional examiner for 8 days. Let’s hire a professional prostitute for the research, call it $100 an hour, I’m out $100/hr * 8/hrs * 8/days = $6400.
$3100 + $6400 = $9500. That’s the total cost of research for a 1.3 Billion person market. I’ve seen corporate sales parties where the bar bill exceeded $9500. With that kind of money you can get a few seconds of your ad on TV.
Or you can lock in a 1.3 Billion person market.
Somebody at Trojan needs to be fired.
– Max
I followed you all the way through your argument ’til you got to the part about hiring a “professional prostitute,” then my mind wandered to everything I’ve ever read about the sex trade, and how India is a major transgressor in that regard, and you just sorta lost me.
Why not rent some suites at a nice hotel in downtown Mumbai, pay the test subjects the equivalent of a week’s pay + a free night with all the condoms they can use, and have them invite their wives along for the fun?
Semantics, padre. He should have called them “professional sex workers” like us sophisticated Euro-types do. Besides, Hinduism doesn’t have the same moral reticence regarding such professionalism.
Knowing MaxD, he would have imported a batch of cute Japanese scientists in white mini-lab coats. He’d still be way under budget.
I took what Padre to say a different way… I believe, if I’m not mistaken, that the sex trade transgressions deal with those who are NOT of age. That’s a show stopper.
That said, MD has a most excellent point. Someone at Trojan should be fired for missing a tremendous opportunity. And I’ll take it a step further and say that for the longest time (no pun intended) the men of Africa woudn’t use them. I can’t imagine that Trojan couldn’t have assisted with some sort of great marketing campaign to assist the men in changing their minds instead of relying on their government to do so. We all know how it goes when any gov’t is involved… not so great.
I understood Padre perfectly. I also understood the MD wouldn’t be advocating such moral transgressions. However, in a country where over 300 million adhere to 9 years being adequate for marriage, and the other 700 million believe that tens, even hundreds of millions of the wrong caste are destined for lives of servitude, I’m not sure that our distinctions apply. Hence the soothing application of euphemisms to ease our consciences, such as “professional sex worker.”
Or else go clinical and bring on the lab coats.
Well, Padre, I was actually thinking all I’d need is a measurement of the subject while in a ready and willing state, and rather than invest in magazines and nurses and all that, I’m thinking it would be better to hire people who get paid for arousing men. For one thing, they’re probably fairly good at it already, which lessens training time, and teaching them to read a tape measure should be trivial.
I think you’re wondering about product trials. In that case I’d probably work almost exclusively with prostitutes and doctors. Each are going to see a very representative sample of the population and each have a reputation for being very discrete, hence it should be easier to broach the subject of using one of my products and reporting back its performance to a test subject. In both cases I should be able to get feedback from both the woman and the man involved, which is perfect given the industry I’m in. Obviously mechanical tests aren’t doing the job if there’s a 20% failure rate.
If anybody at Trojan happens to be reading this, I am open to a change of career. If the compensation package is appropriate… And includes a percentage of sales in the Indian market.
– Max
It’s a hard problem requiring penetrating analysis…
Most of these puns are so bad, they’re illegal. They violate the penile code.
I have just one question – Lex, how long did it take you to write that anyway?
Oh, probably more time than it was worth, in the event. But I don’t mind spending a little more time than most on a labor of love.
Oh, geez! That may be the worst one yet, Lex! I’m LOL!
As if any proof was needed all men are 14-year old boys at heart.
Heh – he said anal-ysis.
Well Butch, “all men are 14 year old boys at heart” is better than “All men are pigs”. But both are true. That’s the way it is.
Very punny Cap’n; a hilarious exercise in word play regarding a serious subject…
Well played, sir.
I am suprised that there are no “box office” (all women flight crew) or “cockpit” puns from the aviators, especially after “cunning linguist” post got a reply from Lex which elevates the author to honorable mention…
There would have been comments about the box office but it was closed because the crew in the cockpit came up short.
Naaah; no box office cuz all they had were ticket stubs.
I’d type something witty but I’m laughing too hard to think straight!
Pure poetry. Very nice