I most definitely appreciate it. I know that decades (centuries?) ago those courtesies may have had their genesis in ideas of female inferiority, but today I see them simply as a mark of respect. To me they are an unspoken, “Hey, I noticed you’re a lady.” It’s taken me awhile to get comfortable with that, because so often I don’t want to be noticed in any way, but now I usually enjoy it.

I walked to the elevator and there stood my good friend. We waited in silence for about 30 seconds and then he turned to me and said “I never know whether to hold the door open for a woman or not anymore.”

I stood there and just looked at him for a bit. Then calmly said “Well, I think its polite to hold the door for whoever is behind you. Male or female. Doesn’t matter.”

“Oh”. The look on his face, as if he had just found enlightment. A thought which had never occurred to him before. Sheesh…

Being “of a certain age” and southern-bred by VERY strong women (mom, grandmothers, etc.) with very strong ideas about courtesy, I have always…from Day One… opened doors, stood aside for women to pass, etc. I’m not tooting my horn; it’s simply a matter of training.

But of late I’ve noticed that such gestures aren’t particularly well-recieved in certain parts of the world. I first noticed this back in 2000 when I went to work in SFO’s Financial District and I began getting glares and implied (and sometimes overt — VERY overt) hostility from women for doing exactly that, including the usual “I can do it MYSELF, Thank You!” Which, of course, always shocked me.

It’s GOOD to know there are still women out there who appreciate what was once called “common courtesy.” It ain’t so common any longer.

Just sayin’.

This was way back in the mid-80s, so attitudes have changed since then. Most of the support staff were either young women fresh out of secretarial school, or had been there forever. I looked like I fit in the former and not the latter, plus I didn’t actually tell anyone, other than my supervisors, about Husband. I wanted to do the job on my own, you know. I didn’t even want Husband to talk to my military boss (I had two — one civilian and one military) as I wanted to handle the situation on my own.

But jerks are everywhere and he was a big one. Watching him choke out his apology was very gratifying, I must say. Especially after I did exactly what he wanted when he had blown off his responsiblilties in it. What goes around, comes around.

Most times I’m quietly chuckling to myself and thinking that you are definitely residing in the wrong country, dear.

Michelle, my apologies. This is one Northerner who has only good memories of all things American.

P-3W, I’m sorry to hear that happened, but glad it was resolved fairly easily……sounds as if one Lt. learned a valuable lesson.

Veritas et Fidelis Semper

I caught grief from a young LT hot-shot jet puke (sorry, Lex) who cussed me to my face nose-to-nose, after I had stayed over a half-hour late to do him a favor and cut some orders for him. I went home, nearly in tears more from frustration than anything else, because I can’t say those words out loud well. We all lived on base, and Husband had a quiet talk with my LCDR supervisor on a walk around the block, who had a talk with the young LT, and I got a nice apology that just about hurt him to spit out. The best part was when Husband came to pick me up for lunch right about then and the young LTs all noticed he was also an LCDR. All of a sudden, I got a *lot* more respect. They suddenly realized I just might know their wives and their behavior just might could come bite them at home, as well as at work.

Would have been nice had they treated me with that respect from the beginning, though, then they wouldn’t have needed the attitude adjustment later on.

Well, maybe I could try it on a Canadian base. As an experiment. Just to test the results, you know.